How's My Driving

For many years now, to relieve the boredom of driving and of course to have some fun, I've been playing something called 'The Game'.

The idea is to piss off as many drivers as you can, in the queue behind you, whilst collecting as many points as you can. Sometimes it can be fucking hilarious especially when the innocent 'players' start leaning on their horns, gesticulating and going ballistic.

Fuck me, if they knew I was actually doing it deliberately they'd be catatonic.

Like I give a fuck!

This is how to play 'The Game':

1. Take a pivotal position and avoid being trumped.
2. Collect at least four cars in your wake.
3. Collect the following bonus points depending on which type of vehicle you are driving at the time. You can also collect bonus points for the type of vehicle that is five places behind:

Tractor/Farm Vehicle  10pts

Royal Mail Van  9pts

HGV  8pts

Milk Float  7pts

Van  6pts

Coach  5pts

Taxi  4pts

4x4  3pts

OAP Vehicle  2pts

Car  1pt

Further bonus points can be collected for the following:

• Going particularly slowly (good way to start The Game)  4pts

• Stopping for no reason with five or more cars in tow   10pts

• Every 30 seconds of being stopped without a car passing  3pts

• Stopping for a chat, with a car coming the other way  2pts

• Each hooter sounded behind you  1pt

• Indicate to pull over, slow down, then move off quickly whilst still indicating 4pts

4. In town centres pull over suddenly without indicating and park opposite another vehicle, thus stopping any other vehicle from getting through  4pts

5. Indicate to turn at a roundabout, then carry straight on  2pts

6. At a T junction or roundabout, for correctly guessing the intended direction of the vehicle behind and laboriously turning the same way  3pts

7. Parking in vehicle behind's intended parking spot  5pts

8. Leave one or both indicators on at all times  2pts

9. Trump another player (pull into pivotal position) 15pts

10. When pulling into trumping position, slow right down and then speed up suddenly (this is also an excellent way of counting the vehicles behind you)  5pts

11. Generally speed up and slow down continually  3pts

12. Swerve from side to side  2pts

13. Flash your headlights at someone to go through a gap and then go yourself  4pts

14. The game is over when a) you have been trumped or b) you have reached your destination.

Have a go.

It's a right fucking laugh and if you have a passenger, so much the better, they can keep score giving you more time to rev some fucks into the poor blood vessel bursting bastards behind you!