Thank Fuck It's Friday And It's Bonfire Night

Fuck Guy Fawkes!

Who the fuck would you really like to see on top of that huge roaring bonfire tonight ... burning it's way to nothing more than a pile of ashes? Who would you love to see strapped to a big bastard rocket and fired off into oblivion? Whose arse would you like to see with a large, fuck the fuck off, roman candle rammed into it ... with your lighted match hovering around their blue touch paper?

Here's a few popular choices for 21st centuary 'guys' that have appeared in one of today's papers. It's a good start but I'm sure we can come up with a huge and definitive list can't we? And feel free to send in a few more pics if you have them ;-)

Have a great bonfire night!

Free packet of sparklers to Microdave for sending in the scans of the 'guys' ;-)

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Phil Woolas Found Guilty But Will He Lose His Seat?

The front bench Labour MP, Phil Woolas, has been found guilty of illegal practices during last May's general election. He has now been barred from the House of Commons for three years, triggering a by-election in his constituency of Oldham East and Saddleworth.

However, the corrupt and gaffe prone dishonourable member cock has announced that he is seeking a judicial review. No fucking surprise there then. The problem here is that John Bercow, the slimy, two faced, speaker cock wart of the House of Commons, is responsible for making the ultimate decision as to whether a by-election will take place before or after any such judicial review.

Well ... we won't hold our fucking breath then.

Incidentally, no word yet as to whether we can expect Woolas to be hung from a lampost, with pianowire, and then have his head removed and stuck on a spike outside Traitors' Gate ... if his judicial review should be unsuccessful.

Shame.

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Sergeant Mark Andrews Gets A Retrial

You remember Sergeant Mark Andrews ... he's the vile copper that carried out a brutal attack on petite Pamela Somerville, the horrific incident was captured on CCTV and, quite rightly, it caused outrage amongst us all at the time.

Following the 'free facelift and body tuck', in a Wiltshire police farce custody suite, Sgt Shitwipe was given a pathetically inadequate 6 months jail sentence which he immediately appealed against. So, after only 6 days in jail, he was allowed to go free, on bail, and on full pay pending the result.

However, I have just discovered that is all total bollocks! Sgt Andrews is not out on bail awaiting the outcome of an appeal against his sentence.... the totally insane, vile, brutal and cowardly thug is out on bail because he has now been granted a re-trial against his conviction!

What the fucking, fucketty fuck fuck is that all about?

That now means that poor Pamela Somerville, who had her face re-arranged by that bastard, will have to face him again in court and re-live the whole fucking nightmare to give her evidence for a second time. Fucking hells bells! What the fuck is there to tell. All everyone needs to know is quite clearly visible on the fucking CCTV footage, for fuck's sake.

Or ... is this yet another case of the Superintendent Mike Shaw ethic :
"CCTV images can never show the whole story"

Absolutely un-fucking-believable!

The re-trial is scheduled for 15th November at the same Oxford Magistrates Court as the original trial. Meanwhile, a Wiltshire police farce spokesman says "He is no longer in prison and so remains on full pay in accordance with national regulations."

Fuck the regulations! Fuck the legal system!

Andrews has been totally caught in the act. If that cowardly cunt had any ounce of fucking decency in his vile body, he would hold his hands up and take his punishment like a man. Not only is he cowardly in carrying out such a brutal attack on a defenceless woman, he continues to enhance his cowardly prowess by trying to wriggle the fuck out of something which he has no fucking moral right to do so.

I thought that the police were supposed to set a fucking example!

His mental torture of Pamela Somerville continues .....

Previous posts on Sergeant Mark Andrews, and the CCTV video, can be found here and here.
Thanks to 'Fascist Hippy' for the heads up on the re-trial.
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Sorted

Pocket of loose change goes to Killemall and Joe Public
for sending in this example of French tolerance and understanding
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Green Gadget Guide

I spotted an article on the Telegraph website the other day ... Green Gadget Guide it was called. What a load of fucking bollocks! Basically, it was just a way for some green spunk monkey or other to sound all fucking pretentious about so-called energy saving devices and provide a vehicle for Amazon to flog, to all those gullible green mongs, a shit load of twatting tat.

Here is a small selection of their 'Top Ten' ... with my Gotty Green Gadget Guide (money saving alternative) following each cash wasting 'energy saving' item:

Water Pebble

Sits in your shower, recording the amount of water you use per wash. Using a system of traffic lights, it tells you when you’re using more than average and gradually cuts down the time until the amber or red lights come on. Cutting a shower from 22.5L to 18L uses one third less energy, but you probably won’t even notice.

Price : £7.25

Shower every other day. Uses 50% less energy and you probably won't even notice.

Price : Twat all

Ecobutton

Works simply by allowing you to press it once to switch them into their most efficient mode. It connects to your computer via a standard USB port, and is an illuminated reminder of how easy it can be to save electricity. To waken your computer from its ecoslumber, however, just one key press makes it come back instantly. It can save you up to £50 per year.

Price : £8.25

Go to preferences control panel and select energy saving mode. When you're not using your computer it puts itself to sleep. To waken your computer from it's 'ecoslumber', just press any key ... or click the fucking mouse. It can save you up to £100 per year.

Price : Sweet fuck all

Wattson Silver Lining Energy Monitor

A clip attaches to your home’s main power supply, and then the main monitor itself can be sited anywhere to display your energy usage in power and financial terms. This information can precipitate 20 per cent savings.

Price : £123.45

Look at your electricity bill when it arrives, it will display your energy usage in power and financial terms. If it's a huge fuck off bill it can precipitate 35% savings.

Price : Bugger all

Dell Latitude E6510

Unlike many ‘rugged’ laptops, which confuse durability with bulkiness, this Dell Latitude is sleekly styled but incredibly robust, thanks to reinforced hinges and latches and an almost indestructible display. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.

Price : £1959

Treat you current laptop with respect. Don't use it as a TV dinner tray or as a frisbee while you're on the beach. The hinges and latches will be just fine if your name isn't Gordon Brown. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.

Price : Fackawl, innit

Breville Hot Cup

Kettles are fundamentally inefficient pieces of technology: you guess how much water to put in, then you boil all of it without reference to how much you’re actually going to use. Water heaters, while not looking too attractive in the main, work by dispensing the perfect cupful from their tanks. It’s a simple, elegant solution.

Price : £44.95

Take cup, or mug, fill with water from tap. Empty cup, or mug, of water into kettle. Boil kettle. Using same cup, or mug, make your preferred hot drink. Easy to multiply by number of hot drinks required. It's a simple, efficient solution. It could well be elegant too, depending on the design of cup, or mug, you are using.

Price : (you guessed it) Fucking fuck all!

Green fucking gadgets!

What a fucking load of absolute twatting bastard bollocks!

Or .... as 'crosswordkid' more politely stated in the comments of that article :

"Green gadgets". In other words, how can we assuage your misplaced middle-class guilt and at the same time extract as much money as possible from your wallets?

Oh, and these things are a waste of fucking time, money and energy too.

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Mid-Term USA Election Results Live Blog

A night of high drama and humiliation is expected for the half black Kenyan fuckwit and his dickwipe Democrats ..... and we're going to bring it to you live here on GrumpyOldTwat.

The BBC has systematically ignored the failure of Hoax'n'Change, glossed over the rise of the Tea Party and dismissed the rise of small-government anti-Obama voices as 'kooks' and 'racists'. Tonight will see the BBC's runaway love-in coverage hit the buffers of the US electorate, and we're going to live-blog the humiliation as it unfolds.

We'll be starting at midnight (UK time), and joining in with the readers of Biased-BBC, A Tangled Web, AllSeeingEye and Barking Spider.

Crack open a bottle, or two, of your favourite tipple and join in the fun!

Prisoners Get The Vote : So What?

To be honest I can't see that murderers, rapists, paedophiles and thieves having the vote, will make any fucking difference at all the the outcome of any general election. Whoever they vote for, whether it be red, blue or yellow, they'll be voting for their fellow criminals who have sold this country out lock, stock and fucking barrel to all their fellow criminals in the EU.

It's just another victory, in a long line of many to come, by the unelected arseholes of the EU who have been given free reign to destroy our sovereignty by the elected arseholes of the UK.

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