Sunday, 29 March 2009

Wankergate 3

video

This is the download link if you would like a copy?

Wankergate 2

Wankergate

A Female Embezzeler Checks In



Saturday, 28 March 2009

Game For A Laugh

Spotted this great story, over at the excellent UKTabloidNews, which was picked up from The Telegraph Online.

Being a huge fan of the larger scale practical joke I thought that it was well worth  putting it on here for you all to see.

It's fucking hilarious!

The 'prankster' in this story had decided that he would gain 'revenge' on a mate of his, after he had swapped all the upstairs furniture with the downstairs furniture, in his house, whilst he was on holiday. No mean feat this. Think about it.

Obviously, being somewhat fucked off at this cheeky event, our friend wasn't going to take this kind of shit lying down and concluded that his retaliation would be even sweeter. And, what is really good for us is, he filmed the whole event. Ok, so the idea isn't new but it's great viewing all the same.

Our prankster takes over the story  . . . . . .



Don't you just love it!

G.O.T. loves all this kind of Tom Fuckery and has been a fairly active exponent himself over the years. One such time was when a friend went away on his honeymoon. Keys to the flat were obtained (don't ask) and two cylinders of  'squeaky voice' type gas along with hundreds of balloons were duly purchased.

Note: Good practical jokes generally require a certain amount of cash parting but results are always well worth the investment.

To cut a long story short all the balloons were inflated and each room was crammed full of them. Diligence was also given to placing the balloons in the cupboards, in the toilet, under the bed clothes, in the washing machine etc., etc. You get the picture.

Mate's face was a fucking picture when he opened the flat door after I'd picked him, and his shiny new ball and chain, up from the airport.

Apparently it took the poor bastard over a week to get rid of all the balloons.

Result.

(I'll leave what he did next, for another day)

Thursday, 26 March 2009

A Definition of Gordon Brown

video

Here's something new and a bit different for me.
Inspiration for doing a video came from The Screech who has being doing some excellent work over at his place.

Let me know what you think.
I may do a few more of these, or not, as the case may be!

I believe that this is the download link if you'd like a copy?

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Run Fat Boy Run


Tuesday, 24 March 2009

If Only Gordon Brown Had The Balls


Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were recently told to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..


Separately Kevin Rudd, the Australian Prime Minister, angered some Australian Muslims by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. 

Quote:
"IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. "
"This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom."
"We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!"
"Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture."
"We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us."
"This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'."
"If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted."
Gordon Brown.
A wanker with no balls.

That is all.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Goody! Peace and Quiet At Last


Saturday, 21 March 2009

TwatCard


Normal service will be resumed
just as soon as we can
get rid of this twatting clown!

Had A Bad Day?









And just when you think that it can't get any worse
this happens . . . . 


Friday, 20 March 2009

Dolly Draper Dishing Out Drivel


Apparently GolliWolli Draper is preparing for his new book launch, Tory Poppins has the full story here. I would imagine that the LabourLost Luvvy will be pulling out all the stops in a desperate attempt to impress all his ex Nulabore mates from his Mr X days. He will of course fail miserably.

Fucking nice.

Book reviews, if anyone could be arsed to read this self indulgent bullshit, may well be something like this:

"Prat"
Ian Dale

"You can just fuck off"
Guido Fawkes

Old Holborn

"Write it? I haven't even read it"
Mr X

"I've had him"
Lord Meddlebum of ManMuncher

"The smarmy cunt never does the washing up"
Kate Garraway

"Never heard of the fucker"
Editor, Psychotherapist Monthly

"Ahh good, something to wipe my big fat hairy arse on"
Grumpy Old Twat

"I've just had him again but don't tell Brownfinger"
Lord Meddlebum of ManMuncher

"Don't let that lying, self opinionated, cock waving bastard anywhere near me"
Gordoom Brownfinger

"Takes one to know one"
2 million unemployed

Psychotherapy my arse, you twat!

Thursday, 19 March 2009

It's A Puppet!

NuLabore Twat Toys are proud to present this one eyed, snot gobbling, lardy arsed, pant wetting, fingered puppet.

As worn by Lord Meddlebum of ManMuncher.
(Well I heard he's partial to putting his hand up his arse anyway, apparently.)

Pull the cord and 'Gordoom the Goofer'  shakes violently whilst uttering a selection of well know phrases such as "It's not my fucking fault I tell you", "I'm a useless unelected pant pisser", "I ate 3 SnottyBix for breakfast", "I love lardy cake so much that I'm turning into one" and of course the phrase that everyone loves to hear, "I'm Gordoom the Goofer and I'm a complete cunt".

Comes complete with a spare pair of dry troosers, an interchangable brown finger and a rose tinted glass eye.

Only available until Spring 2010.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

68 Percent Say Fuck Off


Absolutely astonished to learn today that Sir Fred Goodwin, smug twat of the year, has been given even more of our cash. Just in case the £13,000 a week pension isn't enough for the cash laden piece of corporate wankstain to live on, RBS thought that they would chuck even more of our hard earned at him and give him  another £3 million in cash!

WE own 68% of that bollocksing excuse for a bank, no thanks to Gordoom the Goofer!

Somebody is taking the fucking piss here.

And there's more.

On top of the 3 mill, the old spunkers at the Royal Bank of Spunkstains are spurting another load of our spondoolies up the bollocking wall by agreeing to cover the cost of the smug twat's tax bill.

That'll be yet another £1.8million of our hard earned then.

And another thing about all this, that has also given me one a hell of a head fuck.
Some shit for brains twat at the Royal Bank of Shitwipes sanctioned Twatwin's cash bonanza of a pension to begin at aged 50 instead of 60 only TWO DAYS before he was dumped for being an incompetent cunt.

What the fucking fuck is fucking going on there then!

Ah well, at least we can be safe in the knowledge that under the new FSA rules, announced today, this sort of thing won't be able to happen again.

Yeah right.

They will need to recruit more staff to cope with the extra workload that will be generated by the new monitoring system so no prizes for guessing where these new wonderboys will be coming from then.

Yes, that's right, the fucking wanking banking sector!

Fuck off!

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Killer Scum To Advise On Killer Scum

Note:This post is not by the G.O.T. TheEye has a non-sweary blog but needs to say this.

FuckingNotPleasedOffNess reigns.

Have you seen this?

TheOne, The Obamessiah, The Chosen One is going to "Ask Sinn Fein leader Martin McGuinness what lesson the Northern Ireland conflict holds for Middle East and Iraq."

Answer: Try to stop murdering teenage soldiers who probably haven't lost their virginity yet and not shooting fucking taxi drivers and random blokes in fucking pubs. Clue? Eh?

I'll take my consultancy fee on my way out.

Right, I am going to fisk this article:

"The White House meeting is part of a series of events marking St Patrick's Day and comes amid continued controversy over Sinn Fein's reaction to the recent murder of two British soldiers and a police officer by extreme republican groups."

Okay: 'controversy' is a bit pisspoor but 'murder' we'll run with.

"Martin McGuinness, first deputy minister, has been criticised for merely claiming that the deaths 'betrayed the political desires' of the Irish people. Gerry Adams, the president of Sinn Fein, has called the killings 'wrong' but initially blamed army tactics for provoking the IRA splinter organizations that carried out the attacks."

Yeah, a couple of body bags...just a small reminder of the good old days eh, cuntstains? 'Wrong'? In a sort of people-dead wrong thingy? Just a sodding bit, son. And 'provoking'? Our army has collectively bent over and taken it up the brown starfish for your type and still we can't even send out for a pizza without getting acute lead poisoning.

Ah but to place the huge steaming turd directly on top of your neighbour's nice rockery feature:
"The consultation will continue the trend of Northern Irish leaders exporting their expertise in conflict resolution."

So, conflict resolution in the place where they are still killing each other then. Let's see where these taxpayer junkets are taking them.

"Mr McGuinness has visited Iraq and Sri Lanka, while Gerry Adams, the Sinn Fein president, has worked with the Spanish on Basque separatism."

Iraq? They still bomb you. Sri Lanka. Yep, still bombing. The Basque region...take a cunting guess. No cigar, motherfucker.

"Gerry Kelly, a convicted IRA bomber and Sinn Fein official, has just returned from the Philippines with Jonathan Powell, Tony Blair's former chief of staff, where they advised the government on a long-running insurgency in the south."

No mention of the IRA bastards who went to Columbia to train FARC terrorists there how to...go on, you know you want to guess...blow people up.

Insurgency, Phillipines? Uh, yes, still bombing again. Not very good, are they? And what's with this Bliar's spinmeister being involved too? Aren't they all supposed to be sorting out terrorism in the Middle east, which is what Blair and Obama are trying to....oh fuck off the lot of you.

TheEye has nothing left to say.

Monday, 16 March 2009

In His Wet Dreams

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Which Ones Would You Give Him?

This post follows on from an excellent offering by the All Seeing Eye, where he suggests which DVD films might have been more appropriate to present to the Prime Mentalist rather than the ones offered by Bollock 'Half Black' Obama.

If nothing else, it is another superb opportunity to rev some more fucks into the one-eyed, snot gobbling, pant pissing, lardy arse known as Gordoom Brownfinger.

That said, here are my 10 offerings:

Some Like It 'Snot'
Close Encounters of the 'Turd' Kind
The Untouchables
Liar Liar
'Back' Hand Luke
The Lord of the Rings
The Big 'Sleazy'
Fiddler on the 'Poof'
The Usual Suspects
Rear Window


Anyone got any better suggestions?

Let's have some fun!

Saturday, 14 March 2009

I Suppose You Think That's Funny

The G.O.N.T. is back.



Spotted this clip over at other bloggers stuff and, as a result, it sent me all fucking nostalgic again. Dad's Army is a classic example of 'good old' British comedy at its best and the 'Don't Tell Him Pike' scene has to be one of the best in the whole series. I must have seen it a zillion fucking times but the twat still makes me piss myself laughing every time I see it. Now, I don't know whether that's because the comedy is just so bloody good or it's because I'm a sad old twat who is easily entertained. I prefer, of course, to think it's the former.

Anyhow, this got me thinking about other great British comedy classics and which scene, from each one, might best capture the entire series in one memorable clip.

I'm not talking 'My twatting Family' or any other similar, 'made-with-america-in-mind-canned-fucking-laughter-bollocks', shite. I mean proper stuff from the 70s, 80s and maybe a little of the early 90's with no bastard well fucking swearing in it either.

Right here's my starter for 10.
Ok, ok, I know it's fucking obvious but that doesn't make it any less of a classic clip from a classic series and 'piano wire' gets a mention. Which is nice!



And what about that completely useless twat Frank Spencer.

Slapstick heaven!

It just couldn't be made these days because of all the Righteous fucktards and their 'elf and fucking safety rules and regs. Harness this, goggle that. Twats

That said, here's one of my favourite clips from Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em and look out for those classic cars too. Nice!



Nostalgic British Comedy Classics.
'Ace doss grebo', I would say.

How about you? I would love to hear your favourites. 
Then I could get high as fucking kite on a comedic fix of nostalgia.

I may well add any further suggestions here or why not post a couple yourselves. Either way it's time to take a break from all those freedom fuckers at NuLabore and have a fucking laugh.

It does us all good from time to time.

Previous episodes of the G.O.N.T
(Excellent anecdotes in the comments section,
if you have time to read them!)

Friday, 13 March 2009

Red Face Day 2

Hey Ho I'll Give It A Go



The Old Bag has tagged me.

It's all to do with the list of DVDs that Bollock (all hail the messiah) Obama presented to the snot gobbling, pant wetting, one eyed, fat fuck known as Gordoom Brownfinger.

Apparently some twat has decided to invent a game where points are awarded depending on whether you own or have watched any of the following films which are now in the Prime Mentalist's possesion:

Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Casablanca, Raging Bull, Singin’ in the Rain, Gone with the Wind, Lawrence of Arabia, Schindler’s List, Vertigo, The Wizard of Oz, City Lights, The Searchers, Star Wars: Episode IV, Psycho, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Sunset Boulevard, The Graduate,The General, On the Waterfront, It’s a Wonderful Life, Chinatown, Some Like it Hot, The Grapes of Wrath, ET: The Extra-Terrestrial and To Kill a Mockingbird.

According to the rules it's 1 point for each film you've seen and 2 points for each one you have owned.

What a load of fucking bollocks but here goes . . . . 

Citizen Kane (1), The Godfather(1), Casablanca (1), Singin’ in the Rain (1), Gone with the Wind (2), Lawrence of Arabia (1), Schindler’s List (2), Vertigo (1), The Wizard of Oz (2), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1), The Graduate (1), It’s a Wonderful Life (1), The Grapes of Wrath (1), ET: The Extra-Terrestrial (2)

So I make that 18 fucking points, not that anyone gives a flying fuck!

I haven't got a fucking clue what this is all about (just like Gordoom with how to rule the fucking country then) but hey-ho I've given it a go. Also disappointed not to see any Clint Eastwood in the list. Perhaps Half Black Obama didn't want Gordoom to make his fucking day. Can't say I blame the twat.

Now then, who wants to be tagged next?

I thought, fuck it, why tag one when you can tag shit loads so I have decided to go for it big time and now pass the 'just for fucking fun' batons to All Seeing Eye, The Screech, Fido, Old Holborn, Tory Poppins, Cato and A Gibo's Tale.

I would also have tagged it's either banned or compulsory but I spotted his movie list over in the comments at Bristol Dave. You can always do it again though mate!

I'm sure that you have all got much better things to do but consider yourselves all officially tagged by G.O.T. 

Come on then, let's have it!

Let's see if you are as sad as this grumpy old cunt.

Red Face Day 1

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Mandelson Blames The Treasury (Updated)


Fuck me it's getting contagious.
Isn't that what his bum chum Brownfinger normally does.
Blame every other fucker except himself?

Lord ManBottom of Man Muncher has apparently said that the much needed help for the British car industry (I use the term British loosely) is progressing far too slowly.

I, on the other hand, think that Lord ManBottom of ManMuncher is far to quick to behave like an egotistical twat who is far more interested in how he can readily line his pockets, and his rectum, rather than genuinely consider the welfare of this country as paramount.

Twat!

**Update**
Following a suggestion from The Eye, in the comments below, here is an alternative pic of Lord LickyBum . . . 

Anyone Want Cashback?

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Every Little Helps

Monday, 9 March 2009

I've Got A Better Idea

Spotted a great post by Mong the Merciless (on one of my favourite subjects) so here it is in full accompanied by one of Tractor Stats brilliant pics . . . . 


More Unwanted Fucking Government Interference.....

Well here we go with the news today that the fucking home office now want to interfere with peoples personal relationships - a register of abusive/violent partners....for fucks sake....

This is just going to be an excuse for bunny boilers to threaten their victims with! Who the fuck has the right to make that judgement - in most cases of domestics if you weren't there you don't know what happened - that's why the coppers hate domestic rows and the courts struggle to make prosecutions stick.

The police can't manage to do what they are supposed to do now, without taking this on.

I've got a better suggestion....how about a register of shit politicians?

Any politician who has lied, philandered, promised something for votes and not delivered, sleazed about, taken back handers, fiddled their expenses etc...goes on a register and cannot ever again hold public office....That would be about fucking all of them then!

Sunday, 8 March 2009

To Whom It May Concern

Thanks to Other Bloggers Stuff  for the original idea
which has now undergone a little bit of G.O.T. tweaking

In a prepartion for all my post March 18th postings I would like to issue a statement which will leave on-one in any doubt as to how much I respect Gordon Brown and the New Labour Party.

Ok, so there was a time when I could have been accused of being a little less than respectful of our one eyed, pant pissing, bogey biting, turd burgler of a Prime Minister.
I admit it.
Now though, I have seen the error of my ways and have nothing but admiration for Gordon Brown and all that he, and the glorious New Labour Party that he represents, stand for.
There We Are Then.
No longer do I consider Gordon to be a cock sucking, brainless fuckwit with a penchant for eating sticky nose jism and  washing his trousers in public with his own piss. 
I will now endeavour to vote for him if he decides to let us have an election, not that we really need one, because he says I can trust him. 
There We Are Then.
No longer do I consider him to be a lardy arsed lying bafoon who hasn't got a fucking clue what he is doing or where the fuck he is leading us all to.
I also think it right and proper that his most senior assistant, Lord Mandelson, resides in the upper house safe from the negative opinions of the electorate.
There We Are Then.
No longer do I consider him to be the Minister for Back Door Agendas & Self Edifying Exploits nor do I find him a totally fucking, untrustworthy snake with a penchant for uphill gardening.
As for Alistair Darling, having done such a superb job as Chancellor of the Exchequer, I am happy to see him safely continue to save the world from the American based Global Financial Crisis and, while we are on the subject, well done to Mr Brown for telling that novice Mr Obama a thing or two. You certainly put him in his place and undoubtedly gained his respect for doing so.
There We Are Then.
No longer do I consider Messrs Darling and Brown to be a pair of moronic fiscal fucking twats who haven't got a fucking clue how to solve the credit crunch because they are too busy pissing in the fucking wind.
I will shortly be venturing onto our finely Policed streets where I will be ready to celebrate any chance encounter with hard working ethnic minority co-citizens who add such an essential diversity to our thriving economy.
No longer will I consider such people to be sponging low life bastards with a penchant for fleecing the fuck out of the tax payers while they, like the Chavs and the Pikeys, sit on their fat lardy arses contributing fucking fuck all to society in return.
I have also seen the light of health and fitness and will be giving up smoking and alcohol; further, I pledge to join the Citizens Patrols and help root out and educate those who continue with such disgusting and anti-social behaviours.
No longer will I be consuming industrial quantities of red wine and get totally pissed while generating images of contempt based on the theme 'Gordoom Brownfinger and his Nulabore wankers are nothing but a bunch of fascist cunts'.

Finally I would just like to add my thanks to any passing internet monitors and wish them well in their task of making the web safe for ordinary people like you and me. 
No longer do I consider them to be the Nazi saluting drones of the jackbooted, fat arsed, sow faced, freedom fucker known as Jacqui Smith.
There We Are Then.

So, to whom it may concern, I do hope that I have made myself clear.
That is all.

Saturday, 7 March 2009

Move Over Darling


Friday, 6 March 2009

The Taste of a NuLabore Generation



. . . . and in case you're too young to remember or if like me you are old enough and like the odd bit of TV nostalgia, here's the original advert . . . . 

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Al Jazeera Bid For Channel 4

Al Jazeera have launched a bid to take control of the UK broadcaster Channel 4.

Full story here.

A Channel 4 spokesman has said that "This offer is not to be dismissed".

I, on the other hand, am absolutely fucking speechless.

That is all!

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Gordoom Must Be Desperate


 The one eyed, incompetent in'cunt'inent sufferer is so desperate to climb into Bollock Obama's arse that he has completely lost the fucking plot and presented Ted Kennedy with a twatting knighthood.

The internet thingy wires have been shit hot between G.O.T. and the All Seeing Eye due to a mixture of utter disbelief and total enragement at this fucking ridiculous and blatant attempt by the Brownfinger (by choice) to climb into bed with the Brownfinger (by birth). The result is our first spleen venting joint post.

Mary Jo Kopechne would be 69 this year if she hadn't climbed into a car with that cunt Kennedy. And that one-eyed twat is giving him a fucking knighthood? He's a murdering piece of shit who we'd personally slap the electrodes on to and watch fry. 

Which part of 'murdering scumbag' does our one eyed, snot gobbling, arse licking prime minister fail to understand. It's just fucking unbelievable how he could stoop to such a pathetic level, plainly in an attempt to become NBF with the new messiah (no mean lying fucking twat himself we might add) so that pant pisser can offload all his fuck ups in an attempt to make everything seem fucking 'global'! Hardly a respectful gesture to one Mary Jo Kopechne, is it?

Pin your twatting ears back Gordoom, you fucking useless piece of pant pissing shite.
We repeat.

Ted Kennedy is a murderer, he doesn't deserve a fucking knighthood you cunt.

The Eye would happily fly to America purely to piss on his grave from as high an angle as his cock would manage and according to folklore that would be pretty much optimum pissing distance but he is only going to get one effort at this funeral so Viagra will be purchased in the hope of a spectacular extra couple of feet for a golden waterfall on his coffin. 

G.O.T. would happily stand on the pissecutioners shoulders at this point, with his dick in splints, to effect a twin pronged pissfest resulting in a supreme and total pisswash of the total murdering arsewipe's grave finale.

In this case we both swerve between venom and sentiment.
Mary Jo RIP
Edward Kennedy murderous cunt.

The Eye has the final thought.
If every devil he's going to meet soon, has a red-hot poker to hand, then I'll want to know why those aren't all fucking hotter and sharper.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

US UK Special Relationship


I Just Haven't Got A Clue What To Do

**Update**

Here are the revised lyrics, courtesy of Conan the Librarian . . . . 

Aah, aah 
You better beware, you better take care
You better watch out if you've got long black hair
He'll come from behind, you go out of your mind
You'd better not go, you'd never know what you'll find

Aah, aah
You look in his eyes, don't be surprised
If you don't know what's going on behind his disguise
Nobody knows where Darling goes
He'll steal your money out from under your nose

Does anyone know the way, did we hear someone say
We just haven't got a clue what to do
Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way
To Block Buster!

The cops are out, they're running about
Don't know if they'll ever be able to Block Buster out
He's gotta be caught, he's gotta be taught
'Cos he's more evil than anyone here ever thought

Does anyone know the way did we hear someone say
We just haven't got a clue - ow!
Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way
To Block Buster!

Does anyone know the way did we hear someone say
We just haven't got a clue what to do
Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way
To Block Buster!

Aah, aah, aah, aah
Buster, Buster, to Block Buster!
Buster, Buster, to Block Buster!
Buster, Buster, to Block Buster!...

I Must Have One



I'm not a big fan of lager but, fuck me, I've just GOT to have one of these. Maybe I could convert the spare room?

Sunday, 1 March 2009

It's Trough at the Top (No.2)