If you thought there had been some football on this week, you were wrong .... England were playing. However, Grumpy Old Twat's Chief Sports Reporter, Gildas Axelrod, managed to grab a quick post match interview with the England manager Fabio Capello:
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| Capello in a typically Alan Partridge stance relaxing in his hotel room post match |
Axelrod: Fabio, obviously it’s a disappointing result ...
England 0 Lady Boys of Bangkok 0 ... what went wrong?
Capello: No....eeeeee....ahhh.....yeees... I think they play....well...er...nooo...
Axelrod: Fabio, why are England such shit?
Capello: Scusi!?
Axelrod: You know. Utter and complete fucking shite. Merde. Scheisse. Merda. Why is that?
Capello: Eeeeeehh...ahhhh...no...I think....yeees...maybe eeeess pressure...
Axelrod: Do you think it’s cos you’re a cack handed Italian twat that nobody can understand? Or are the players just total shit anyway?
Capello: No...er...Rooney...play good...maybe...no...Yes...
Axelrod: That was Colleen Rooney, Fabio. Wayne’s been in the changing room shagging grannies all evening.
Capello: She play well....maybe...yeees...good catalogue maybe...
Axelrod: Do you think it was a mistake not to name the team until forty minutes into the second half?
Capello: No...eees no problem...is yes...no...scusi?
Axelrod: Fabio, a lot has been made of your inability to speak good English. Do you think it could be a factor?
Capello: Scusi? I no...errr.......yeeeees....maybe...I think problem, no.
Axelrod: Fabio, can you tell us how much you earn?
Capello: It’s a six million pounds a year basic with a euro lock in currency exchange hedge, coupled with a no win full fee index linked under performance bonus of 200 per cent with an integrated transnational image right package paid via a specially incorporated Single Purpose Vehicle domiciled in the Cayman islands for maximum tax efficiency plus car and pension.
Axelrod: I think that says it all. Thank you.
Capello: Grazi. Now vaffanculo!
Axelrod: Itie twat!
Say a prayer for him, Brother Gildas.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely fantastic and hilarious interview and just rolled up laughing!!! Reminds me of that song that's recently been in the charts "We No Speak Americano" By Yolanda be cool. It would be great if someone could do spoof video of an interview with Fuckwit "not so Fabiolous" Capello with the music of the afore mentioned song plying in the background!!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant ..
ReplyDeleteHate football but still laughing at that "interview" .. ;)
Hurrah. Look forward to Gildas Axelrod shining his interviewers torch in the dark places of many of our leading so-called sportsmen.
ReplyDeleteMind you, I don't think that Capello not speaking English matters. It's not like Rooney would understand it if he did.
Not sure what a "specially incorporated Single Purpose Vehicle" is but if it's Italian it'll be faster going bloody backwards than forwards...
ReplyDeleteWhat, like a Ducati, Ferrari, Lamborghini etc?
ReplyDeleteAn excellent idea WoaR ... I do hope this is the first in a series of Gildas Axelrod interviews with all our top sporting 'stars'. Are you there Gildas? Can you hear me Brother ;)
ReplyDeleteSounds a tall order BotR ... but I'll keep a note on my 'people to twat' list .... you never know ;)
ReplyDeleteHate fucking footy too, but that was hilarious!
ReplyDelete6 reverse gears and one forwards?
ReplyDeleteNooooo..oooo Like Carro Armato P40 tank.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, all them what you said were ideas nicked from Barnes Wallis at Brooklands - my mate Nobby told me.
ReplyDelete"..............and one forwards?"
In case the enemy sneakily crept up from behind?
Ha ha, yes, that's the one JP ;)
ReplyDeleteAwesome! The nudist girls I mean, not the tank, obviously ;)
ReplyDeleteJust a brief laugh, kind people. Tho' thanks to Got.
ReplyDeleteNow, more serious matters must address us...
G
Well, it's always good to have a second job to fall back on, so, watch this space! ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's great news :-D
ReplyDelete