Grumpy Old Twat

Good News For Some

2011-09-25T11:04:00.001+01:00

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Bad news for others. I guess it just depends who the fuck you are.

Gotty is back. For 6 days. Holiday relief for another old bastard blogger.

My first offering can be found HERE.

Enjoy ;-)

GOT Some News

2011-03-29T11:50:00.001+01:00

Past readers of the Grumpy Old Twat blog might be interested in taking a look at a brand new self-hosted Wordpress site that has just appeared ... over here.

Any resemblance he might have to the long retired Gotty is purely coincidental.

Probably ;-)

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For One Week Only

2011-02-28T09:20:00.000Z

Hello. Hello. Is anybody still there? Just in case there is, you might like to know that the Grumpy Old Twat has awoken from his red wine fuelled slumber, got up off his lazy old fat fuck of an arse and come out of retirement.

Don't get too fucking excited, it's only for a week and it won't be here either.

I'll be over here ... if you're at all interested ;-)

Back After The Break But Not For Long

2010-12-17T19:34:00.000Z

It's been a couple of weeks now since I last posted anything on this blog and in the comments of that post I mentioned "Gotty's keyboard has been hung up. It's tired and all twatted out, just like Gotty ...".

I thought the break would do me good.

Nothing has changed. So it's time to call it a day.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read all my blog shite and/or leave comments on all my blog shite and I'm also grateful to those who have recommended all my blog shite to others. A special thanks to others in the blogosphere who have helped me to make this blog the success that it has become. You know who you are.

An extra special 'fuck the fucking fuck off and die' goes to the few that have done all they can to try and fuck this blog in the arse. You know who you are ... and more importantly so do I, you two faced arsewipes.

The Grumpy Old Twat blog may be dead but the blogger behind him certainly isn't so maybe you'll come across him in the blogosphere again one day ... somewhere else ...
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Interlude

2010-12-04T16:01:00.001Z

Nothing To Fear Nothing To Hide

2010-12-03T20:47:00.000Z

Britain is already one of the most heavily surveilled nations in the world and now 'Internet Eyes' is up and running. It's a private company with private citizens earning pin money. Three cheers for Cameron's small government, big society scam!

LiarPoliticians2, who posted this video, has been having problems with the Press Association and YouTube. His account was deleted together with 3,200 videos. He won his case but the videos are gone forever. He obviously hasn't heard about EyeTube yet.

Cross posted from Calling England

+++ Grumpy Old Twat UPDATE +++

Following on from the Wikileaks DNS problems with the freedom of speech police and their successful website resurrection, I now see that Alex Jones of InfoWars fame has been having fun and games with Google. A couple of days ago they put a 'freeze' on his YouTube account but after what he describes as a 'media storm', Google have now reversed their decision.

Result!

It just goes to show once again that the government, any government, just don't fucking get it. When are they going to realise that it's impossible to control freedom of speech on the internet.

Where there is a will, there is always a way.

In the meantime, Big Brother, ....

Lighter Later 10:10 Are At It Again

2010-12-03T14:42:00.003Z

That child killing group of eco terrorists 10:10 are at it again. This time they are behind a campaign called Lighter Later which is supporting the Daylight Saving Bill, due to be debated in the HoC today. They all want us to switch to Berlin time rather than use the British tradition of GMT. Oh for fuck's sake, so there goes a bit more of our sovereignty then.

Rebecca Harris MP Tables Bill For Lighter Later from 10:10 on Vimeo.

Oh, and apparently, they reckon they have the support of Vince Cable on this one ... hahahahaha ... well that won't do the fuckers much good will it. He might say he'll support the campaign but he'll probably abstain on the vote anyway. Just like the new student fee legislation.

Anyway ... getting back to the 10:10 eco fascists, I presume they would rather see our children run over in the morning, in the pitch black, as opposed to in the evening. I dare say that Franny Armstrong is putting together some sort of 'children being mowed down by a gas guzzling 4x4 blood and guts video', as we speak.

"What a difference an hour makes", they say on their website, "everybody loves the sunshine. But every year we set our clocks so that we get less of it in our lives, sleeping through the sunlit mornings while we use expensive, polluting electric lights to keep out the dark nights."

Oh just fuck off will you!

You can't produce more daylight by fucking around with the clocks. It's still the same amount of sunshine you fuckwits, whatever the twatting clock says. Just get the fuck up earlier in the mornings. As for the rest of that darkness bollocks, Captain Swing has an excellent remedy for that in his last paragraph here.

In the meantime I suggest that the 10:10 eco terrorists go fuck themselves ...
... with a grandfather clock.

No pressure.

+++ UPDATE +++

I've just heard that Parliament have passed the second reading of the Daylight Saving Bill with a majority of 82 votes. *sigh*

Freedom Of Speech Has A Number

2010-12-03T12:52:00.000Z

It appears that Wikileaks now has a new website address following the decision by Everydns.net to withdraw its DNS support. The new address is Wikileaks.ch However, free speech does have a number and if the new website address should also disappear you can still access Wikileaks via its IP address of http://88.80.13.160/

Why England Lost The 2018 World Cup Bid

2010-12-02T15:37:00.000Z

From the very moment that this picture was taken, back in May 2009, England's chances of winning the bid to host the 2018 World Cup were totally doomed.

The curse has struck again!

World Cup Snow Balls

2010-12-02T11:35:00.003Z

Like a lot of people in the UK at the moment, I seem to be at the mercy of that mild autumn weather that the Met Office promised us all. Yep! This grumpy old twat is knee fucking deep in flakes of global warming and unable to get to work (a-fucking-gain).

So I popped on the Sky News to catch up with all the latest ~~headlines~~ MSM filtered fuckwittery and ... what the fuck! I was greeted with some be-spectacled, suit wearing, numbnuts in Zurich banging on nineteen to the fucking dozen in dago-ese or some such bollocks. Apparently I had arrived just in time to hear the live presentation of Spain and Portugal's World Cup bid... or some such shit.

What's worse is that I very soon realised that all this 'live' World Cup bid bollocks is going on all fucking day! This is 'news' is it? Who the fuck cares? Oh, how silly of me, I almost forgot that's why the the Twat Boy Three are over there .... England are making a bid for the World Cup in 2018 *yawn*. Yes, iDave the spineless euro cock sucker, Willie (whose name sounds like a cock and has a big cock) and Becks ~~a bottled lager~~ a talentless cock who once kicked a bladder around on some grass for 90 minutes (like a complete cock), are trying to secure the bid to host the 2018 World Cup in England.

The only reason they are there is 'automatic qualification'. England are so shit at football they don't stand a fucking chance in qualifying any other way. The over payed, talentless, tosspots are far to busy drink driving their Bentley's and taking their teammates' wives up the wrong 'un to have the where with all to actually do what they are fucking paid for!

Now where was I? Oh yes ....

Oi, Highways Dept desk jockey jerk offs ... pin your fucking ears back!

We don't all live within 6 fucking feet of a motorway or drive a big fuck off 4 x fucking 4. When the fuck are you twats going to get your act together and clear the sodding snow off the roads so that I can get back to work and earn some fucking money!

We're not all work shy employees of the state you know.

Some of us REALLY do want to work.

I've paid my car tax, I've paid my council tax. So I suggest that you lardy arsed, desk jockey jerk offs get the fuck on with what I've fucking well paid you to do!

Throwing In The Towel

2010-12-01T17:54:00.003Z

"For the last eighteen months I have been trying to wake up those who are comfy, safe and warm, firmly wrapped up in their fluffy duvets. I am tired now of prodding, and poking, and shaking those who do not wish to be awoken."

I know exactly how he feels.

It's hard work.

Personally, I think he has made a huge contribution to the blogosphere and still has plenty to offer us all in the future. Even if it's a swift kick up the arse to all those who would rather bury their heads in the sand in the hope that all the bad stuff will just 'go away'.

It won't.

Maybe we can persuade him not to hang up his keyboard?

Son Of Brown

2010-12-01T12:57:00.002Z

David Cameron on Red Ed Miliband @PMQs :

"I'd rather be a child of Thatcher than a son of Brown"

Quite.

Is The X Factor Fixed? ++ Updated ++

2010-12-01T10:14:00.002Z

Why are England so bad at football? Is the X Factor fixed? Who is Justin Bieber? What does the Grumpy Old Twat do for a living*? Where is Raoul Moat? These are just some of the all important questions that are worrying Jill and Joe Public, across the UK at the moment.

Oh for fuck's sake! Is that really what the majority of the UK are worried about these days. What about the Afghan War, the demise of decent Justice in this country, the corruption of the European Union and the continuing islamification of the UK which is eroding our sovereignty, the total bollocks that is MMGW ....

.... or the state's 24/7 surveillance of everything we do or say?

Nope.

There are for more important things afoot.

Just look at the full Top 20 list of 'rising questions' on the Ask Jeeves website:

1. Why are England so bad at football?
2. Is the X-Factor fixed?
3. What is the Government going to cut next?
4. Who is Justin Bieber?
5. Did I vote for the right party?
6. Do all footballers cheat?
7. Should I buy an iPad?
8. What is Glee?
9. Why didn't Coleen leave Wayne?
10. Will Big Brother ever come back?
11. Why didn't Cheryl put Gamu through?
12. Where can I buy a micro pig?
13. Will I still get child benefit?
14. How are the Chilean miners surviving?
15. Where is the ash cloud?
16. Why did that woman put the cat in the bin?
17. When will the recession end?
18. Who killed Archie Mitchell?
19. Where can I buy a vuvuzela?
20. Where is Raoul Moat?

Give me strength.

Will all the fuckwits who are living in cloud-fucking-cuckoo land, please wake the fuck up and smell the twatting coffee! If you don't do it soon it'll be too fucking late and then you'll be asking the question: "I was watching X Factor at the time and didn't notice a thing but when was it exactly that we all became totally fucked?

+++ UPDATE +++

And that's from someone who actually won the very first X Factor! Fair play to him for taking the trouble to comment although I object to being compared to Alf Garnett. He was a reactionary, mean-spirited, selfish, bigoted, anti-Irish, anti-Catholic, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, West Ham supporting anti-Semitic played by a Jewish actor ... wasn't he?

Perhaps Steve just meant I was a reactionary ;-)

*I made that fucker up, obviously.
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Bizarre Police Report Of The Week

2010-11-30T16:26:00.001Z

Melissa Lee Williams has uttered a line never previously recorded in a police report before. Well, not one that the Grumpy Old Twat has come across before anyway. The West Virginia woman faced assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct.

"Eat my pussy", she demanded of the two men before she "commenced to undress herself". One man "declined said invitation" but the other man told cops that he "agreed to perform at her request." However "he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odour emitting from Melissa Williams" and, understandably, "declined to proceed any further."

Fair enough.

It was as this point that Williams allegedly "produced a lock-back folding knife," opened it, and then uttered the line never previously recorded in a police report before:
"Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat."

I take it that she was pretty well gagging for it then but unfortunately for her though, by all accounts, the poor chap involved was gagging at it rather than for it.

Further details of the incident, if you're feeling brave, and that all important photograph of the sleazy seductress are available here.

Enjoy!

Free pack of *ahem* odour eaters goes to Joe Public for the tip off, just in case Williams should ever corner him in a Hotel somewhere ;-)

BBC : Hate Crime Figures

2010-11-30T11:31:00.000Z

Just spotted a report on the BBC webshite about the recently published 2009 Hate Crime Figures. Call me a grumpy old twat if you like but the unattributed BBC report has gone into bias overdrive using the phrase "An Acpo spokesman said 703 crimes were anti-Semitic but the religions of the other victims were not known".

No mention of indigenous, white, christian, heterosexuals being targeted of course but even though this is the very first time that Hate Crime Figures have been published, the bias BBC still manage to squeeze this little beauty in to the report ... "Although data was not collated nationally before 2009, Acpo says it believes there has been a rise in all five types of hate crime."

'Believes'! Fucking 'believes'!

Who fucking 'believes' there's been a rise which you can't fucking prove?

BBC report unattributed and quotes from 'a spokesman'.

Oh yes, the Bias Brainwashing Channel at it's very finest dontcha think.

WikiLeaks Cable Ends Turkey EU Ambition

2010-11-29T14:05:00.001Z

Once this WikiLeaks US Embassy cable does the rounds, it'll be quite obvious that there is not a snowball's chance in hell of Turkey being able to join the EU. The US assessment of Turkey's Islamist influence begins from paragraph 10:

¶10. (C) AKP's lack of cohesion as a party and lack of

openness as a government is reflected in the range of murky,

muddled motives for wanting to join the EU we have

encountered among those AKPers who say they favor pursuing

membership...or at least the process. Some see the process

as the way to marginalize the Turkish military and what

remains of the arid "secularism" of Kemalism. We have also

run into the rarely openly-spoken, but widespread belief

among adherents of the Turk-Islam synthesis that Turkey's

role is to spread Islam in Europe, "to take back Andalusia

and avenge the defeat at the siege of Vienna in 1683" as one

participant in a recent meeting at AKP's main think tank put

it. This thinking parallels the logic behind the approach of

FonMin Gul ally and chief foreign policy advisor in the Prime

Ministry Ahmet Davutoglu, whose muddy opinion piece in the

Dec. 13 International Herald Tribune is in essence a call for

one-way multi-cultural tolerance, i.e., on the part of the EU.

You can read the cable in full here.

The Turkish leader, Erdogan, who Cameron seems to be so 'in love' with, is described as having "hunger for absolute power and for the material benefits of power" . He has "a sharp authoritarian style and deep distrust of others" and he surrounds himself "with an iron ring of sycophantic (but contemptuous) advisors". As a result, he has a "susceptibility to Islamist theories". And this is supposed to be the Secular leader who 'Call Me Dave' assures us will lead Turkey - and the EU - to a better age!

So, Mr Cameron, what the fuck are your chances of giving your beloved Turkey a shoe-in to the corrupt ranks of the European Union now then? Fuck all, I'd say.

It doesn't end there though. There's more, much more, tucked away in that same cable which will undoubtedly set Cameron, Van Rompuy and all the other EU fuckwits, setting their spin machines to 'max'.

Katabasis has done a complete breakdown and an excellent, comprehensive analysis of the cable, and what it means to the future of the EU, right here.

Please take time to read it and then spread the word far and wide!

Get Out Of Europe

2010-11-29T09:57:00.000Z

"I don't want an 'in or out' referendum

because I don't think 'out' is in Britain's interest"

David Cameron

My thanks to Xen347 for producing the video
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WikiLeaks : Nurse Galyna Kolotnytska Pics

2010-11-29T03:10:00.004Z

The recent release of classified documents, from the Wikileaks US Embassy Cables, reveals that Galyna Kolotnytska is identified as a “voluptuous” blonde nurse who is the constant companion of Libyan leader Muammar al-Qadhafi.

Apparently, Colonel Gaddafi states that he cannot travel without Galyna Kolotnytska, as she alone “knows his routine.” Well, from these photos of her, I can certainly see why that might be although I'm not too keen on finding out anymore details about Gaddafi's "routine".

Creepiest Christmas Underwear Advert

2010-11-28T17:03:00.001Z

Looks like Christmas isn't the only thing that's just around the corner. What the fuck is Father O'Leary doing, hiding behind the door, in this Brazilian underwear advert?

Whatever it is ... it's surely going to end in tears.

German Chancellor Responds To EU Euro Crisis

2010-11-27T18:19:00.003Z

The EU is undeniably in a state of deep shit. Watch this exclusive footage of the German Chancellor's official response, to the current EU Euro bailout crisis, and how best to deal with the problem :

Twattery

2010-11-26T19:10:00.000Z

I can't even be fucked to say thank fuck it's friday, this week, but I do have a mish mash of twattery that I'd like to share. Most of it has boiled my piss, no fucking change there then, but I'll start with something which should be far more entertaining:

• It's that time of year again where we can all get our votes in for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award ... fuck that! It'll be much more fun getting your votes in for the Cunt of the Year Awards 2010 instead. There's even five different categories to have a go at ... so, if you fancy a bit of cuntishness, you can vote for your 2010 cunts HERE.

• I hesitated before posting on this because the cunt really doesn't deserve the oxygen of publicity but he's really making my piss boil this time. Flaunting everything that he's been buying with the benefit money that we've all earnt for him. The axe murderer has been filming himself for YouTube again.

• The islamic arsewipes that are building a mosque, only two blocks away from the Ground Zero site, have applied to the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation to secure federal funds set aside for post 9/11 rebuilding projects.

• An elderly lady lies on the tarmac twitching and moaning slightly. So, when asked for assistance, Tesco do everything they can to help the poor woman in distress ... right. Nope. What a wretched country we have become.

• I thought Cameron said that we all had to pull together to reduce the enormous budget deficit that's going to burden the UK for generations to come. Presumably when the spineless, chinless, gutless, duplicitous dickwipe says 'we' he actually only means us. Why else would this sort of thing still be going on then!

Fuck it! Fuck the the fuckers who are intent on fucking us all 'til we're fucked. I'm off to tackle industrial quantities of red wine with an occasional interlude to bang my head up the fucking wall and clamp a bag of frozen peas to my bladder region.

Meanwhile ... I'll finally leave you with this ...

Teaching Maths In Britain

2010-11-25T17:40:00.000Z

Teaching Maths In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.

What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 80% of the price.

What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80.

How much was his profit?

Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.

Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Maths In 2005

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

Teaching Maths In 2009

A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the application for the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something.. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.

The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

Teaching Maths In 2010

A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot, with only some government money left to pay a few million-pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry.

However, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.

You do the maths.

Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
> الانتاج 80 من
>الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟= 20

A brand new abacus goes to Ampers for the maths lesson ;-)

Student Protests : You Won't See This Version In The MSM

2010-11-24T21:41:00.000Z

Police kicking out at what appear to be peaceful protesters and then deliberately forcing them back towards the trouble ? What the fuck is that all about then? Anyone would think that they were under strict instructions to incite a riot ... rather than try their best to prevent one.

What say you?

The EU. What's In It For Me?

2010-11-24T08:50:00.000Z

Oh for fuck's sake! Do you really need to ask?

Well apparently the EU have decided that, yes, we do need to know and have launched a brand new website which tells us it's "A No-Nonsense Guide for UK Citizens to what the European Union Delivers." Really? Excellent! So we can look forward to seeing detailed accounts of how much of our fucking money they're pissing in the wind, without giving a flying fuck about the sovereignty of the UK, then.

Sadly no, and as already mentioned at Muffled Vociferation and All Seeing Eye, the new site is nothing more than pure propaganda. Yet another attempt by The European Commission to brainwash Britons into how much they are benefitting from EU membership.

Like laying to rest all those important myths such as "Brussels rules mean that tightrope walkers have to wear hard hats" and "Politically correct EU will stop bingo callers using the terms “Two fat ladies”. What the fuck!

And I thought the sub section they have about how to reduce blood pressure was particularly ironic, considering the fact that the EU gravy train is one of the main reasons mine is so fucking high. I haven't come across any plans, as yet, on how the EU plan to quell my boiling piss though.

However, there is one small ray of sunshine peeking through the dark clouds of EU domination that are are hanging heavy over the UK ... the new webshite does mention that "This is your chance to tell us your stories about any aspect of the work the EU and Commission do, so get in touch now."

Go on, you know you want to ;-)

The Must Have Christmas Toy For KIds This Year

2010-11-23T20:51:00.000Z

Well, when I say 'must have', I mean that your kids 'must have' a penchant for a board game that includes a plastic dachshund which produces fluorescent yellow shit, every time they squeeze the pump action handle. What the fuck! And who says that Germans don't have a sense of humour.

And the name of this game?

Kackel Dackel. I shit you not.

Goliath Games have got previous when it comes to producing kids' games that include an unsavoury discharge .... this is one of theirs too!

Revised Emergency Statement From The Irish Prime Minister

2010-11-23T08:30:00.002Z

This revised Emergency Statement, from the office of Taoiseach Brian Cowan, supercedes all other previous statements appertaining to 'The Bailout of Ireland' and related matters.

Issued 23rd November 2010 at 08.30hrs +1

"I am making an official 'Euro wide' appeal for everyone to donate as many seed potatoes as you possibly can, so I do. Check behind your sofas, under your beds, at the back of your cupboards and inside your sheds. We're feckin' desperate, so we are.

Bejesus! It's an emergency! Ireland is totally broke, so it is. We need to go back to our roots and grow as many feckin' potatoes as we can, then sell them all back to the plantation owners, so that we can clear our debt (again), so we can.

Please email your seed potato pledges to me, directly, at:

briancowanisthebastardlovechildofgordonbrownandfrankcarson@vanrompuy.eu
and I'll get back to you asap, so I will. Might be a few minutes though ... I'm just trotting off to the bog .... must be something I swallowed"

Why Haven't We Seen This On British TV?

2010-11-22T18:07:00.003Z

Muslims Against Crusades protesters running riot on the streets of London. Disrupting yet another homecoming parade of British Troops who have recently returned from Afghanistan. This time it's 1st Battalion of the Royal Anglian Regiment who are being attacked and abused by British muslim fanatics.

Why the fuck isn't all this stuff being reported on the BBC and the wider British MSM? Why is it that only the Russian and Amercian broadcasters are covering this? They must be wondering why the fuck we aren't doing anything about this total disrespect for our British way of life.

Watch it all to the very end and then tell me they're not fucking laughing at us!

Who the fuck is responsible for keeping this outrageous and sickening behaviour out of the British Press? Come on people, wake the fuck up, this is REALLY happening on our streets and someone, somewhere, is hiding it from us all. If they're not going to broadcast it then it's up to us ... spread it far and wide, tell everyone you know to watch it ... especially all the XFactor junkie generation who need to have their fucking eyes open to what's really important to the future of this country!

Or am I just wasting my fucking breath?

The Euro Isn't Working

2010-11-21T18:18:00.000Z

Andy Burnham Fail On Adam Boulton Show

2010-11-21T13:51:00.001Z

Did anyone else see Andy Burnham on the Adam Boulton Sunday Show, being questioned on the Pope's decision to allow condoms in certain circumstances? I thought it was a classic case of someone not engaging their brain before opening their mouth ...

Politictionary© : A Brand New Political Game

2010-11-20T18:02:00.003Z

I've just invented Politictionary© ... an exciting(?) and very simple game where I post a description of a political figure of note, which I have found within a blogpost or its comments, and you have to try and guess who it is. More than likely it'll be an unflattering but accurate quote (IMHO) about some fuckwit or other connected with politics but I'm sure you'll get the general idea.

Ok then, so here's my first offering:

"Simply put, he's a politically correct halfwit who doesn't know what he's letting himself in for. He'll ignore the warnings, scream "racist", and in 20 years time, when he's getting old, he'll suffer at the hands of those he defended against those who warned him."

So, who do you think it is then?

Yes, yes, I know ... you want the answer now and you can't be fucked to try and guess who it is ... in which case I might as well tell you now then ... I found the quote in amongst the comments here.

Hmmmm, on second thoughts Politictionary© isn't really that exciting is it and it's just too fucking simple for words when you can go straight to the answer without even having one single guess. In fact, the more I think about it ... the more I realise that Politictionary© is no more than a glorified 'Quote of the Day' kind of thing.

Oh well ... 'twas fun while it lasted.

Perhaps I should just stick to posting stuff like this then ....

... which Dr Unbewachter emailed in to me after spotting it on EBay recently?

*dunno*

A New Low For The United Nations

2010-11-20T13:36:00.000Z

"Pakistan distinguishes itself on the internet by leading the world in Google searches for 'animal sex', 'child sex' and 'rape sex'. . . . How wonderfully inclusive of the United Nations to hand the fox the keys to the hen house, yet again. Yes, ok, so these countries may well treat women like dogs but hey that's their culture right and we gotta respect it don't we?"

BBC Children In Need

2010-11-19T18:37:00.001Z

I see that those politically correct cretins at the BBC aren't satisfied with just having Pudsey anymore .... this year our kids have been introduced to another bear called Blush.

It's *ahem* dark furred and female.

Oh for fuck's sake, where will all this righteous PC fuckwittery end!

To be honest, I don't really give a fuck. My own children will be in need, and their children, and their childrens' children, for years to come ... they're fucking bankrupt, no thanks to 13 years of New Labour and the total inadequacies of the LibConDem Coagulation.

So BBC Children In Need can fuck the fuck off.

Charity begins at home as far as I'm concerned.

The World's Most Powerful Breasts

2010-11-19T16:11:00.001Z

Thank fuck it's Friday again!

Apart from the fact that the UK seems to be even more fucked than it was this time last week, I've had another one of those weeks I'd rather forget. I won't bore the arse off you with the details but suffice to say that I do actually have a broadband connection today. Fucking hurrah!

So, let's kick the weekend off with Busty Heart, possessor of the world's most powerful breasts apparently. Judge for yourselves but it's definitely a 'what the fuck' moment, if ever I saw one. Not for the faint hearted and the looks on those judges faces are just fucking priceless!

All the squashed beer cans he can drink go to Joe Public for the titillation ;-)

Sergeant Mark Andrews Cleared Of Assault ++Update 2++

2010-11-18T16:31:00.002Z

I shit you not.

Sergeant Mark Andrews, who was caught on CCTV assaulting Pamela Somerville at Melksham police station in Wiltshire, has had his earlier 6 month jail sentence quashed after 'winning' an appeal today.

Lets have a look at the evidence again ....

What. The. Fuck!

I must be seeing things then because the Judge Bean at Oxford Crown Court has now said, after a four-day hearing, that he was satisfied Sergeant Andrews did not intend to throw Ms Somerville into the cell and that the injuries she suffered were probably caused by ~~falling down the stairs~~ the door frame.

Meanwhile, Sergeant Shitwipe remains suspended from duty on full pay pending the result of an internal police enquiry. Yeah right ... any guesses to the outcome of that then?

We are all so fucked .... or as Old Holborn would say, welcome to East Germany.

+++ UPDATE +++

And how they rejoice in rural Wiltshire!

"There are three excellent consequences to this decision. First, Andrews is exonerated. Second, the handwringers will go absolutely orbital, which will be fun to see and finally, Wiltshire ACPO have been shown to be more interested in public image than truthful reality."

Oh, just fuck off back to your tea and doughnuts will you.

+++ UPDATE 2 +++

I thought that this fairly recent quote from James Bulger's mother was rather apt,
in the current circumstances :
"Once again justice has not been done"

She said it after John Venables had been given a sentence of only 2 years, from a possible maximum of ten, after being convicted of child porn offences. Apparently, this was because the crimes were blamed on the "isolation and fear", that Venables felt, while living under a false name after his early release from jail for killing James Bulger.

Oh, do fuck off! Some of the photos that 'aroused' Venables were of two year olds .... the same age James Bulger was when brutally murdered by Venables.

Why tell you all this now?

Well ... who do you think the fucking judge was?

All previous posts on Sgt Andrews can be found here

Funniest MMGW Story Of The Year

2010-11-17T20:59:00.000Z

A fire that caused $1.1 million worth of damage to a warehouse, filled with rock legend Neil Young's music equipment and memorabilia, appears to have been caused by his hybrid car which was also stored at the site.

Bwaahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And as if that wasn't ~~ironic~~ hilarious enough, the music legend had just returned from an appearance at the Specialty Equipment Market Association car show in Las Vegas ....
where he had delivered a 'talk' on his hybrid electric Lincoln.

"I love my car!" he told the audience.

A hockey stick of his choice goes to C Monster for the heads up ;-)

Helicopter Pilot To Marry Cabin Crew Descendent

2010-11-17T08:12:00.000Z

If you've been watching Sky News or the BBC News Channel, over the last 24 hours or so, then you'd be forgiven for thinking that there was absolutely nothing else going on in the world ... apart from Prince William's engagement to Catherine Middleton.

The great and the good (?), and plenty who are neither, have been queuing up to give their opinions on the big announcement. Here's a small selection of the ~~worst~~ best :

The Queen : "Catherine the commoner! We are so not amused."

Prince Phillip : "Kate Moss was it? Bit old isn't she? Could do with a square meal too, the scrawny bitch. Christ! One would have to wrap her in duck tape on the wedding night ... in case she split."

Prime Minister David Cameron : "I received the news in a call from Buckingham Palace during a cabinet meeting and it was greeted with a great cheer as we suddenly realised that we'd be able to bury shit loads of bad news ... everyday for the next fortnight."

Gordon Brown: "I send them all my best wishes for a long and happy married life together. It'll be a great success!"

Prince Charles : "At Last! I'm obviously thrilled. They've been practising long enough! Many a time nanny has caught Willy practising after 'lights out' with a dog eared photo of Kate, posing topless on the freshers' bar at St. Andrews."

Lembit Opik : "I've had her!"

Herman Van Rompuy : "Great! Something else for the UK to waste taxpayers' money on. Perhaps that'll divert attention away from my UK taxpayer funded, EU gravy train for a while."

Iain Dale: On my LBC show tonight from 7 ..."

Red Ed Miliband: "Over-privileged toffee nosed twats!"

Prince Harry: "I am delighted that my brother has popped the question! It means I've gained a sister, with a ring like my mother's, who is not averse to a having a chopper land in her back garden ... which I have always wanted."

At the time of posting, pictures of Kate Middleton's ring were still unavavilable but I did manage to find one of the helicopter pilot's chopper .....

Prince William pictured with his chopper, earlier today

Nothing To See Here ...

2010-11-15T19:20:00.000Z

... for another day or so. Two at the most.

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves or move along.

Meanwhile ...

Remembrance Day

2010-11-14T09:18:00.000Z

Remembrance Day
Uploaded by GrumpyOldTwat. - Watch the latest news videos.
.

Vince Cable Dictates Leader Of Libertarian Party UK

2010-11-13T18:46:00.000Z

Well, maybe that title is a tad unfair ... but what Vince Cable, predictor of 23 of the last 11 economic recessions, does appear to be doing is dictating who CAN'T be the next leader of the Libertarian Party (LPUK). Namely .... Andrew P. Withers.

Now, before I go any further, and just in case you are new here, I'll repeat the fact that I have never had any affiliations to any political party. Ever. I am my own man. Therefore, I don't really give a flying fuck who is going to be the next leader of LPUK. It's no skin off my nose and it's none of my damn business either to be honest.

However, what I do give a flying fuck about is the basic principle that's involved here. The fact that some jumped up Limp Dumb Coagulant of a fascist fuckwit, namely St Vince of the Cable sweater, is dictating to ANY British political party, whether a minority one or not, who they can or can't have as their chosen party leader.

Here's a quote from an emailed letter received from Vince Cable’s Solicitors, Osborne Clarke, dated 12th November 2010 to the Bristol District Registry:

‘Our Client does not consider that Mr Withers has currently demonstrated sufficient need for leave in respect of the (Libertarian Party)’

What the fucking fuck is that all about. Who the fuck does Vince Cable think he is? I was under the impression that we still live in a democracy here, despite the apparent efforts of our government and the EU to ultimately deny us all of of this.

I dunno ... maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here but IPJ has all the latest developments over at his place .... see what you think. Meanwhile, I remain totally fucking stunned by the long term ramifications, of this kind of fascist intervention, into the democratic election of any leader of a British political party.

Fuck me!
I thought New Labour lost the last general election.

They did .... didn't they?

A Guide To Taxation And Economics

2010-11-13T10:30:00.000Z

As I have probably mentioned before I am no financial expert, far from it, but here's what I thought was an excellent explanation of how people in the higher tax bracket will benefit the most from having a tax reduction ... and ultimately, I guess, so will we.

But what do you think? Or is it all totally irrelevant now, due to the fact that our taxation system is gradually being taken over by the EU anyway?

Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this ...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay £1

The sixth would pay £3.

The seventh would pay £7.

The eighth would pay £12.

The ninth would pay £18.

And the tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by £20."

Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free, but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share? They realized that £20 divided by six is £3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free, but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving).

The sixth man now paid £2 instead of £3 (a 33% saving).

The seventh man now paid £5 instead of £7 (a 28% saving).

The eighth man now paid £9 instead of £12 (a 25% saving).

The ninth man now paid £14 instead of £18 (a 22% saving).

And the tenth man now paid £49 instead of £59 (a 16% saving).

Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.

But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got £1 out of the £20 saving", declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got £10!"

"Yeah, that's right!" exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a £1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get £10 back, when I only got £2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. When it came to paying the bill, they discovered something important, they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Thank Fuck It's Friday - Grumpy Old Bastard Edition

2010-11-12T18:00:00.002Z

Thank fuck it's that time of the week again ... and hasn't it been a busy one, eh. So much fuckwittery from so many fuckwits! So, I reckon it may be a good idea to lighten up a bit with a few grumpy old git/bastard/fucker/twat jokes which should help to lower the BP a bit (and the tone) ... along with a bottle or two of vin rouge, of course ;-)

• On hearing that her elderly grandad had died, Katie rushed to her 98 year old grandmother's house. She asked how he had died, gran replied, "He had a heart attack during sunday morning sex." Katie was aghast at her 2 grandparents risking their lives making love. Her grandmother continued, "We did it to the church bells. Nice and slow. 'In' on the ding and 'out' on the dong", she paused for a moment to to wipe away a tear, "He'd still be alive today if that fucking ice cream van hadn't come along!"

• As a family I'm trying my best to keep up with all the latest technology ... so I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and treated myself to one of those iPad thigies. Then I felt sorry for Pigsy, so I bought her a top of the range, no expenses spared iRon ... and that's when it all fuckin kicked off. What an ungrateful bitch!

• Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if I preferred legs or breasts. I replied, "Well, what I really like is a shaved snatch" .... I'm no longer welcome in my local branch of KFC, apparently.

A Gotty Grin to Caratacus, Joe Public and Steady Eddie for their contributions ;-)

Oh, and I almost forgot, for those of you who would rather keep your piss boiling at an even temperature, an official police document has surfaced on how they should [differently] handle the arrests of muslims and non-muslims. It beggars fucking belief! Barking Spider has the details.

Stone The Crows! It's Yasmin Alibhai-Brown

2010-11-12T13:52:00.000Z

Oi, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown!

Shut the fuck up you over-sensitive twat!
It's just a fucking joke, like this #twitterjoketrial thing ... or this #iamspartacus thing ...
ok, so maybe there's a tad more bad taste involved than you'd like but satire's a bit like that sometimes.

Fucking live with it!

Nothing more to see here ... move along ;-)

NUS Students Set Up A Self Pity Blog

2010-11-12T11:47:00.000Z

What the fuck!

Some friends of the fire extinguisher wielding 'attempted murderer' have set up a blog where we can all show our solidarity for the actions of the rioting students. Apparently the mood was good spirited, with chants, singing and flares ... and shit.

Well that's alright then ... so let's have a look at the huge list of names who are supporting this bollocks so far, shall we:

Mark Bergfeld, NUS NEC

Sean Rillo Raczka, Birkbeck SU Chair and NUS NEC (Mature Students’ Rep)

Vicki Baars, NUS LGBT Officer (Women’s Place)

Alan Bailey, NUS LGBT Officer (Open Place)

Kanjay Sesay, NUS Black Students’ Officer

Matt Bond, NUS Disabled Ctte (Open Place rep)

Michael Chessum, Education and Campaigns Officer UCL SU

Jade Baker, Education Officer Westminster Uni SU

Cameron Tait, University of Sussex Students’ Union President

Nathan Bolton, Campaigns Officer Essex University Students’ Union

Clare Solomon, ULU President

Jim Wolfreys, UCU NEC

Dr Marion Hersh UCU NEC and Scottish Executive

Alex Gordon, President, National Union of Rail, Maritime & Transport Workers (RMT)

Lee Hall, playwright ‘Billy Elliot’

Hilary Wainwright, Transational Institute

Alex Callinicos, Professor of European Studies King’s College London

So was it one of those fuckers that threw the extinguisher then?

Who knows but TheEye has much more on this story and he ain't too fucking chuffed.

Get Off Your Fat Arse You Lazy Bastard

2010-11-11T18:25:00.002Z

I very much doubt that IDS had this lazy, fat fucker in mind when he was referring to all the piss taking, workshy, wankers who have choosen to live off the state ... but what's the fucking difference then?

Muslim Protestors Burn Poppy During 2 Minute Silence

2010-11-11T15:32:00.000Z

As a follow up to my previous post on the subject, here is the totally abhorrent image of the Muslims Against Crusades (MAC) demonstrators burning a large scale remembrance day poppy during today's 2 minute silence.

The MAC are a splinter group of the (supposedly) banned British muslim fanatic organisation, Islam4UK fronted by Anjem Choudray. That'll be him pictured in the black hoody then.

Give me fucking strength.

Many more images and reactions are available in this Daily Mail report, if you can stomach them. Incidentally, haven't seen any coverage of this on the BBC although I dare say if someone were to burn the quoran or a bunch of lefty fuckwits were to smash up Tory HQ .... it'd be somewhat different, eh.

Armistice Day : MAC To Shout Abuse During 2 Minute Silence

2010-11-10T22:04:00.001Z

"The general British public, they show their support of the murdering of the muslims by wearing the poppy. The 2 minute silence for the soldiers is a condemnable event and the wearing of the poppy is symbolic of the war against islam and muslims which needs to be condemned."

Abu Ubaidah - Muslim Against Crusades

Muslims Against Crusades will be carrying out a demonstration against British troops tomorrow between 10am and 12midday, in Exhibition Road, London. At 11am they plan to shout the words “murderers and rapists” throughout, what is normally, our traditional and respectful 2 minutes silence of remembrance. The Metropolitan Police are aware that this is going to happen and say there's nothing they can do about it.

I am so incan-fucking-descent with rage right now ...

that I am unable to express myself any further.

That is all.

Student Protest Against Tuition Fees Turns Ugly +Updated+

2010-11-10T15:39:00.001Z

It looks as though the revolution may finally have kicked off then. Thank fuck for that, I was beginning to think it would never come. According to the latest news, Tory HQ at Millbank has been evacuated and there's all sorts of window smashing, violence and fire and shit going on. The protesting students also have their eye on LibDem HQ in Cowley street and I was kinda hoping that they may have time to swing by Labour HQ too.

Banner would have been perfect if you'd included the Labour logo too!

Video available here and more pics here, including what looks like a bonfire.

Nice!

+++ UPDATE +++ 16:23hrs

Sky News reporting that bricks and other missiles still being thrown at police and some demonstrators are setting fire to their placards and throwing those too. It appears that the Police are unable to control the angry crowd.

Someone Is Taking The Piss, Right?

2010-11-10T09:29:00.001Z

Oh, do fuck off!

I'm just not in the mood for this kind of shit today ... or any other fucking day!

Tesco Twat Of The Week

2010-11-09T19:00:00.000Z

We can only admire the resourcefulness and determination of Tesco who managed to build a brand new store from scratch, and have it open for business, in just 13 days. Ok, so it wasn't all about helping those poor Cumbrians, Tesco did stand to lose a shit load of cash ... fair fucking play though, all the same:

Hmmm ... but I still can't help but wonder where the fuck they find some of their staff from though. Most of us have been subjected to the twattishness of a ~~Tesco~~ Twatco twat from time to time, haven't we?

Killemallletgodsortemout recently dropped me a line to pass on a 'jobsworth experience' that his lad had the other day in Tesco. He'd just used a self-service checkout to scan two packets of paracetemol ...

Fat slut-bitch waddles over and says:

"You're only allowed two packets of paracetemol."

Killemall Jnr says:

"I've only got two packets."

FSB:

"Yes, but just so you know, you're only allowed two packets."

Killemall Jnr:

"You've just wasted your breath in saying that, haven't you?

I'VE ONLY GOT TWO PACKETS.

Anyway, what are you, the paracetemol police?"

FSB:

"There's no need for that."

Killemall Jnr:

"There's every need for that.

Keep your interfering, jobsworth beak out of my life."

FSB:

"I'll call the manager."

Killemall Jnr:

"Call who you like. You'll be calling them for absolutely no good reason, won't you, and I'll take great pleasure in letting them know how you harassed me for no good reason. In fact, I think I might sue the company. In fact, come to think of it, calling the manager might be a good idea and I might end up with free groceries for a year or two, all thanks to you interfering unnecessarily in matters that are of no concern to you whatsoever ... and harassing shoppers as they go about their lawful activity of spending money in the store for which they are responsible, the customers of which pay your wages."

No manager, no free groceries ...

but his lad now DETESTS the legacy of New Labour as much as he does.

Second Son For Red Ed Miliband ++ Photo ++

2010-11-08T10:22:00.004Z

I wonder if he'll be bothered to put his name on the baby's birth certificate this time. Incidentally, when was it that Ed Miliband and Justine Thornton got married then?

It's the first I've heard of it.

+++ UPDATE +++

Ha, ha! It appears that the Guardian have now spotted their mistake ...

Piss Boilers! Is There An App For That?

2010-11-07T18:13:00.001Z

Each human produces 2 tonnes of CO2 annually just by eating and defecating, Spanish scientists determine. Fear not though ... an eco fucknut has the answer.

Just stop eating and all our problems are solved.

Army cadets have been left ‘bitterly disappointed’ after being banned from carrying rifles on a Remembrance Day parade, following complaints from 'the public'.

It glamorises weapons and might upset onlookers.

Children who haven't had the MMR jab should be banned from schools, according to Dr Sohail Bhatti, a director of one of the largest health trusts in Britain.

It's the only way to ensure a higher uptake of the vaccine.

OFSTED praises Muslim schools for their contribution to 'community cohesion', even in the case of a school which openly states that Muslims “oppose the lifestyle of the West”. Akram Khan-Cheema, an OFSTED inspector, is also chief executive of a radical Muslim educational foundation, the IBERR.

Perhaps that's just a coinincidence?

Do you post stuff on your blog or Facebook or Twitter late at night, when you're absolutely pissed and then regret it the next day? (Gotty: "Nope! Never regret it.")
Well ... there's a fucking app for that!
Oh, for fuck's sake, it could only happen in America ....

Social Media Sobriety Test from TDA_Boulder on Vimeo.

Quote Of The Day

2010-11-07T15:19:00.001Z

"People may think I don't care much for the "suffering" of the Right Honourable Stephen Timms. And that's because I don't. He's a doublethinker; stupid, corrupt, thick, greedy, a thief, doing the bidding of cultural Marxists who want an infighting, fractured society, and globalists who want a bloated pool of "potential labour" as a means to drive down salaries and increase profits ..."

Corrugated Soundbite

on the Roshonara Choudhry attack on Stephen Timms MP

Apparently, some people are finding the blogger's reasoning quite shocking
... personally, I don't.

Read his full, detailed and excellent explanation HERE
... it makes a lot of sense to me.
.

Blogging With A Difference

2010-11-07T11:33:00.000Z

I have just finished reading the first major post on a interesting new blog that has appeared on the scene. I found the whole concept totally fascinating ... an approach to political blogging that I hadn't come across before.

"A cleaner, a thinker, an artist and very, very pissed off"

Don't just take my word for it, why not pay ArtCo a visit ... see what you think.

Freedom Of Speech

2010-11-06T15:41:00.004Z

So ... let me get this straight then.

It's perfectly OK to display something like this on the streets of Britain ...

or this ...

or even this ...

but you just try displaying something like this on the side of your van ...

and it's a whole different story:

Hmmm ...
I wonder where that leaves us with painting national flags on women's crotches then?

Free cans of 'Fuck Me' deodorant go to TheEye and Microdave, for their contributions ;-)

Thank Fuck It's Friday And It's Bonfire Night

2010-11-05T16:39:00.000Z

Fuck Guy Fawkes!

Who the fuck would you really like to see on top of that huge roaring bonfire tonight ... burning it's way to nothing more than a pile of ashes? Who would you love to see strapped to a big bastard rocket and fired off into oblivion? Whose arse would you like to see with a large, fuck the fuck off, roman candle rammed into it ... with your lighted match hovering around their blue touch paper?

Here's a few popular choices for 21st centuary 'guys' that have appeared in one of today's papers. It's a good start but I'm sure we can come up with a huge and definitive list can't we? And feel free to send in a few more pics if you have them ;-)

Have a great bonfire night!

Free packet of sparklers to Microdave for sending in the scans of the 'guys' ;-)

Phil Woolas Found Guilty But Will He Lose His Seat?

2010-11-05T15:33:00.000Z

The front bench Labour MP, Phil Woolas, has been found guilty of illegal practices during last May's general election. He has now been barred from the House of Commons for three years, triggering a by-election in his constituency of Oldham East and Saddleworth.

However, the corrupt and gaffe prone dishonourable ~~member~~ cock has announced that he is seeking a judicial review. No fucking surprise there then. The problem here is that John Bercow, the slimy, two faced, ~~speaker~~ cock wart of the House of Commons, is responsible for making the ultimate decision as to whether a by-election will take place before or after any such judicial review.

Well ... we won't hold our fucking breath then.

Incidentally, no word yet as to whether we can expect Woolas to be hung from a lampost, with pianowire, and then have his head removed and stuck on a spike outside Traitors' Gate ... if his judicial review should be unsuccessful.

Shame.

Sergeant Mark Andrews Gets A Retrial

2010-11-05T12:17:00.002Z

You remember Sergeant Mark Andrews ... he's the vile copper that carried out a brutal attack on petite Pamela Somerville, the horrific incident was captured on CCTV and, quite rightly, it caused outrage amongst us all at the time.

Following the 'free facelift and body tuck', in a Wiltshire police farce custody suite, Sgt Shitwipe was given a pathetically inadequate 6 months jail sentence which he immediately appealed against. So, after only 6 days in jail, he was allowed to go free, on bail, and on full pay pending the result.

However, I have just discovered that is all total bollocks! Sgt Andrews is not out on bail awaiting the outcome of an appeal against his sentence.... the totally insane, vile, brutal and cowardly thug is out on bail because he has now been granted a re-trial against his conviction!

What the fucking, fucketty fuck fuck is that all about?

That now means that poor Pamela Somerville, who had her face re-arranged by that bastard, will have to face him again in court and re-live the whole fucking nightmare to give her evidence for a second time. Fucking hells bells! What the fuck is there to tell. All everyone needs to know is quite clearly visible on the fucking CCTV footage, for fuck's sake.

Or ... is this yet another case of the Superintendent Mike Shaw ethic :
"CCTV images can never show the whole story"

Absolutely un-fucking-believable!

The re-trial is scheduled for 15th November at the same Oxford Magistrates Court as the original trial. Meanwhile, a Wiltshire police farce spokesman says "He is no longer in prison and so remains on full pay in accordance with national regulations."

Fuck the regulations! Fuck the legal system!

Andrews has been totally caught in the act. If that cowardly cunt had any ounce of fucking decency in his vile body, he would hold his hands up and take his punishment like a man. Not only is he cowardly in carrying out such a brutal attack on a defenceless woman, he continues to enhance his cowardly prowess by trying to wriggle the fuck out of something which he has no fucking moral right to do so.

I thought that the police were supposed to set a fucking example!

His mental torture of Pamela Somerville continues .....

Previous posts on Sergeant Mark Andrews, and the CCTV video, can be found here and here.
Thanks to 'Fascist Hippy' for the heads up on the re-trial.
.

Sorted

2010-11-04T09:56:00.000Z

Pocket of loose change goes to Killemall and Joe Public
for sending in this example of French tolerance and understanding
.

Green Gadget Guide

2010-11-03T16:08:00.001Z

I spotted an article on the Telegraph website the other day ... Green Gadget Guide it was called. What a load of fucking bollocks! Basically, it was just a way for some green spunk monkey or other to sound all fucking pretentious about so-called energy saving devices and provide a vehicle for Amazon to flog, to all those gullible green mongs, a shit load of twatting tat.

Here is a small selection of their 'Top Ten' ... with my Gotty Green Gadget Guide (money saving alternative) following each cash wasting 'energy saving' item:

Water Pebble

Sits in your shower, recording the amount of water you use per wash. Using a system of traffic lights, it tells you when you’re using more than average and gradually cuts down the time until the amber or red lights come on. Cutting a shower from 22.5L to 18L uses one third less energy, but you probably won’t even notice.

Price : £7.25

Shower every other day. Uses 50% less energy and you probably won't even notice.

Price : Twat all

Ecobutton

Works simply by allowing you to press it once to switch them into their most efficient mode. It connects to your computer via a standard USB port, and is an illuminated reminder of how easy it can be to save electricity. To waken your computer from its ecoslumber, however, just one key press makes it come back instantly. It can save you up to £50 per year.

Price : £8.25

Go to preferences control panel and select energy saving mode. When you're not using your computer it puts itself to sleep. To waken your computer from it's 'ecoslumber', just press any key ... or click the fucking mouse. It can save you up to £100 per year.

Price : Sweet fuck all

Wattson Silver Lining Energy Monitor

A clip attaches to your home’s main power supply, and then the main monitor itself can be sited anywhere to display your energy usage in power and financial terms. This information can precipitate 20 per cent savings.

Price : £123.45

Look at your electricity bill when it arrives, it will display your energy usage in power and financial terms. If it's a huge fuck off bill it can precipitate 35% savings.

Price : Bugger all

Dell Latitude E6510

Unlike many ‘rugged’ laptops, which confuse durability with bulkiness, this Dell Latitude is sleekly styled but incredibly robust, thanks to reinforced hinges and latches and an almost indestructible display. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.

Price : £1959

Treat you current laptop with respect. Don't use it as a TV dinner tray or as a frisbee while you're on the beach. The hinges and latches will be just fine if your name isn't Gordon Brown. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.

Price : Fackawl, innit

Breville Hot Cup

Kettles are fundamentally inefficient pieces of technology: you guess how much water to put in, then you boil all of it without reference to how much you’re actually going to use. Water heaters, while not looking too attractive in the main, work by dispensing the perfect cupful from their tanks. It’s a simple, elegant solution.

Price : £44.95

Take cup, or mug, fill with water from tap. Empty cup, or mug, of water into kettle. Boil kettle. Using same cup, or mug, make your preferred hot drink. Easy to multiply by number of hot drinks required. It's a simple, efficient solution. It could well be elegant too, depending on the design of cup, or mug, you are using.

Price : (you guessed it) Fucking fuck all!

Green fucking gadgets!

What a fucking load of absolute twatting bastard bollocks!

Or .... as 'crosswordkid' more politely stated in the comments of that article :

"Green gadgets". In other words, how can we assuage your misplaced middle-class guilt and at the same time extract as much money as possible from your wallets?

Oh, and these things are a waste of fucking time, money and energy too.

Mid-Term USA Election Results Live Blog

2010-11-02T23:48:00.000Z

A night of high drama and humiliation is expected for the half black Kenyan fuckwit and his dickwipe Democrats ..... and we're going to bring it to you live here on GrumpyOldTwat.

The BBC has systematically ignored the failure of Hoax'n'Change, glossed over the rise of the Tea Party and dismissed the rise of small-government anti-Obama voices as 'kooks' and 'racists'. Tonight will see the BBC's runaway love-in coverage hit the buffers of the US electorate, and we're going to live-blog the humiliation as it unfolds.

We'll be starting at midnight (UK time), and joining in with the readers of Biased-BBC, A Tangled Web, AllSeeingEye and Barking Spider.

Crack open a bottle, or two, of your favourite tipple and join in the fun!

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=33713b8524" &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;US Mid-Terms Live!&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

Prisoners Get The Vote : So What?

2010-11-02T19:07:00.000Z

To be honest I can't see that murderers, rapists, paedophiles and thieves having the vote, will make any fucking difference at all the the outcome of any general election. Whoever they vote for, whether it be red, blue or yellow, they'll be voting for their fellow criminals who have sold this country out lock, stock and fucking barrel to all their fellow criminals in the EU.

It's just another victory, in a long line of many to come, by the unelected arseholes of the EU who have been given free reign to destroy our sovereignty by the elected arseholes of the UK.

Un Jour De Noir

2010-11-02T17:48:00.000Z

"Today we open a new chapter in a long history of co-operation

on defence and security between Britain and France"

A Traitor

Fate Of The World Climate Change Game

2010-11-01T17:55:00.001Z

Fucking piss boiler of a fucking piss boiler or fucking what! The warmist wankstain brigade are at it a-fucking-gain. This time the eco terroists have decided that our kids' brains need washing with a new climate change computer game called 'Fate of the World'.

It goes on sale tomorrow (3 Nov) and this 'educational game' puts the player at the head of a fictional international body where you must save the world from soaring temperatures, increasing floods and deadly droughts ... and shit.

Apparently, one of the options open to any of your kids playing the game is to decide that the planet is over populated and you can then design a virus, which will kill millions, thus reducing the amount of man made carbon emissions! What the fucking fuck were they thinking about when they decide to foist this mother fucking fascist shite on to our kids.

You can take a look at all the eco terrorist twats that are responsible for it HERE. Oh, and did I mention that this is the same people that produced the BBC Climate Challenge game and that 'Fate of the World' uses real data and input from scientists? Dare say all the science and data is the 'settled' stuff though, eh. Hmmm ... and I wonder how much TV licence fee money was donated to help out with the new venture?

And another thing, what the fuck is it with these eco fascists? They're fucking obsessed with killing people that disagree with them. Remember Franny Armstrong and her 10:10 'blow the kids up' video?

So it's now OK to produce a computer game to force kids to learn more lies about MMGW, in the hope they go out into the big wide world and eco terrorise every fucker .... but not OK if the little bastards play shoot-em-up games and then go out into the big wide world and non-eco terrorise every fucker.

Oh for fuck's sake!

All these eco terrorists really have to go .... I can't fucking see any difference between them and the brain washing Taliban fuckwits that turn their childrens' minds into terrorising non-believers of Islam.

++++ UPDATE ++++

It appears that 'Fate of the World' have a Twitter account here and a Facebook page here. I've just left a note on the eco fascists 'wall of wank' .... here's a screen grab, just in case it disappears ;-)

Mid-Term USA Election Results Live Blog Nov 2

2010-11-01T15:18:00.001Z

A night of high drama and humiliation is expected, on Tuesday, for the half black Kenyan fuckwit and his dickwipe Democrats ..... and we're going to bring it to you live here on GrumpyOldTwat.

The BBC has systematically ignored the failure of Hoax'n'Change, glossed over the rise of the Tea Party and dismissed the rise of small-government anti-Obama voices as 'kooks' and 'racists'. Tuesday night will see the BBC's runaway love-in coverage hit the buffers of the US electorate, and we're going to live-blog the humiliation as it unfolds.

It'll be starting at midnight (UK time), and we'll be joining in with the readers of Biased-BBC, A Tangled Web, AllSeeingEye and Barking Spider.

Crack open a bottle, or two, of your favourite tipple and join in the fun!

Look Who's Back And Look Who Else Is Back At Work Too

2010-11-01T08:45:00.001Z

After nearly 200 days of the current Parliament the snot munching, pant pissing, mono eyed, unelected prime mentalist is finally going to stand up and speak in the House of Commons today. Yes, Gordon 'I ~~saved the world~~ fucked the UK' Brown is finally turning up to do what he is paid for.

He will be trying to defend the jobs of those working at his local shipyard, on those two aircraft carriers that we've heard so much about. The BBC, of course, are wanking themselves silly over how the deluded twat is going to do everything in his power to stop the 50-year maintenance contracts on HMS Queen Elizabeth and HMS Prince of Wales going to France.

However, they don't seem to mention anything about the £38 billion black hole that the duplicitous dickwipe left in the defence budget. Strange that. He wasn't so keen on 'British jobs for British workers' at that time, was he. The cunt.

And, if that wasn't enough great news to warm the cockles of your heart on a dreary Monday morning, another New Labour fuckwit has crawled back out from under her stone too. Yes, Jacqui Smith has finally got herself a job. Well, two actually.

One as a 'consultant' with KPMG, which won a highly lucrative contract while she was still Home Secretary, and the other is an advisory role with Sarina Russo Job Access, (fucking ironic or what?) a company run by a close friend of Tony and Cherie Blair.

Well, well, what a fucking surprise!

Jobs for New Labour mates or fucking what.

I bet Richard Timney is rubbing his hands together, so to speak, just thinking about all those new porno films that the 'Rancid Rasher from Redditch' will now be able to buy him again ... on the expense account.

New Labour.

Lying, cheating, troughing, duplicitous fucking bastards ... one and all.

Halloween

2010-10-31T20:26:00.000Z

Not much to say about it other than I don't miss those snotty nosed little bastards, knocking on my fucking door, every five twatting minutes, the other 364 days of the fucking year.

"Trick or Treat mister?"

"Fuck off!"

However, I did like the way that bloke carved a pumpkin with a Glock, over at ASE's place .... fucking awesome. That led me to find another handy top tip video on how to 'kill' a pumpkin ....

Lovin' the 4 x 2 technique and the shotgun, of course ;-)

Happy fucking Halloween ... and if there are any other short arsed little fuckers left, that want to swing around my place trick or treating, then please use the bell push.

It's wired to the mains.

What a treat!

.

Quote Of The Day

2010-10-31T12:33:00.001Z

"We had token Tory Iain Dale on who could be relied upon to join in the BBC mockery of the Tea Party people in the States and true to form he lived down to expectations. (Hope the cheque is a good one, Iain) .... we have a Conservative joining with with Dame Helena Kennedy and Marr himself in denigrating those in the Tea Party. Let's see their faces on Wednesday morning ... A guilty Jew, a gay Conservative - the BBC picks its guests very carefully."

Vance on Dale on Marr

More here and the comments are very enlightening too, especially the one about the apparent criteria of how the BBC production staff choose their guests ;-)

Harriet Harman And Equality

2010-10-31T08:58:00.000Z

I wasn't even going to bother giving blog space to that hateful Harriet Harman, after her totally hypocritcal and duplicitous behaviour regarding that 'ginger rodent' business*. Especially as other bloggers, such as this one, have already expressed their feelings on her red hypocrisy more than adequately. Then I thought, 'fuck it', that minority supporting shitwipe, of a shitbag of a socialist, is always banging on about equal rights and shit, so here's my contribution. What's good for the fucking goose is good for the fucking gander and all that ...

* I see that the BBC are in full damage limitation mode again then. FFS!

Saturday Late Night WTF!

2010-10-30T22:30:00.000+01:00

What the fuck, indeed ... or have I just led a sheltered life?
Howd she doo dat? Or is she just taking the piss?

Anyhow, don't forget to put your ~~cocks~~ clocks back tonight chaps ... and as for the laydees ... well, that'll give you an extra hour to come up with yet another way of making sure we'll never fucking understand the fairer sex ;-)

Saturday Captions : Fuck EU Edition

2010-10-30T09:47:00.001+01:00

Is it just me or does Angela Merkel look like she's sporting a humungus bogie, in this photograph? Or maybe it's a wispy moustache and the German Chancellor just forgot to shave that morning? Either way, fuck knows what David Cameron is discussing with her, in Brussels yesterday, but I'm sure you'll have some pretty good ideas ;-)

Click pic to enlarge and examine Merkel's top lip ... urrrgh!

Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 15]

2010-10-29T18:17:00.003+01:00

Another 5 days of fury over and done and the weekend starts here! Mind you the fucking clocks got back this week .... what the fuck's that all about then ... apart making everyone drive home in the bastard dark, I just can't see the fucking point. Twats!

Meanwhile, I've a few things that might help banish the Friday night frown this week. Let's kick off with a video for all you white van drivers out there.
Altogether now ... "right in the middle of the fucking road ..."

Free copy of The Sun goes to Ampers for spotting that one ;-)

Then we have this year's 'must have' christmas* toy, spotted by Captain Ranty in the Tripoli branch of Toys aRse, on a shelf next to the Gordon Brown punchbag and the Taliban blow up doll ....

click image to enlarge

And finally, for those of you who have important things to do outside over the next couple of days, with thanks to Microdave, we can now bring you the finer details of this weekend's weather forecast.

click to *ahem* enlarge even more ;-)

Whoa!! ..... fuck me!!
Who gives a fuck about the weekend weather forecast anymore ......

*Yes that's 'christmas', you righteous fuckwits. Not 'winterval' or 'yule festival' or whatever the fuck else you 'don't offend islam', minority loving mongs want us to call it this fucking year! Fuck off!

Merseyside Police Beat Stab Victim

2010-10-29T16:23:00.002+01:00

This jaw dropping video is 4 minutes 37 seconds of CCTV footage, taken by the cameras of Liverpool City Council, as 3 Merseyside police officers come to the 'aid' of Darren Grace who they had found staggering around Stanley Park, disorientated and bleeding. He had recently been the victim of a stab wound to the head during a party at a house nearby.

What follows next is almost un-fucking believable.

Watch it all, if you can stomach it, even the WPC has a fucking go ....

Even more un-fucking-believable, according to the full report in the Liverpool Echo, is that after this 'event' Darren Grace was initially charged with two counts of assaulting a police officer.

What the fuck!

However, those charges were eventually dropped when the Crown Prosecution Service saw the tape and realised there wasn’t enough evidence “to provide a realistic prospect of a conviction”.

No fucking shit Sherlock!

Superintendent Mike Shaw, from Merseyside Police’s Professional Standards Department, said "As a police force we expect the highest standards from our officers ... In this case I understand that members of the public will be concerned when watching this footage. However I would like to stress that CCTV images can never show the whole story."

You have got to be shitting me. What the fuck I have just watched there then? A kind bobby helping a frail old lady across the road? Oh, just do fuck off.

And another thing if "CCTV images can never show the whole story", how the fuck is it that the police can charge and prosecute members of the public, whilst using CCTV footage as key evidence.

Which the fuck is it it then Mikey baby? Is CCTV footage allowable as evidence or not? No, don't bother bastard well answering that. We can kinda guess what the response will be, eh.

Incidentally, no charges have yet been brought against any of the officers involved .. in fact they haven't even been suspended yet. The incident happened on August 1st.

I'm off for a lie down.

Part Of The Union

2010-10-29T08:23:00.001+01:00

Following the events of the last few weeks, I'm surprised that no-one has taken the opportunity to have some Red Ed mockery using that old song from the 70's ...
'Part of the Union' by The Strawbs.

So here you go ...

Apologies for this video not being on EyeTube yet, due to my continuing internet access problems.

I'll update the post as soon as I've managed to upload it there ;-)

Cameron's EU Referendum Sidestep

2010-10-27T09:15:00.000+01:00

The EU is making a fresh grab for control of UK budgets.

European President Herman Van Rompuy intends to use a report on the economic crisis to press for sweeping reforms that will ‘strengthen economic governance in the EU’.

But there's no need for us all to panic of course because David Cameron has pledged to introduce a ‘referendum lock’, that will require a referendum on any new treaty which transfers powers from Britain to the EU.

Err .... hang on a fucking minute though ... what's this?

Mr Van Rompuy also suggests that ministers should sidestep calls for a new treaty and try to force through the new measures using existing powers under the Lisbon Treaty.

Fuck you Rompuy! Dave says we can have a referendum so there won't be any side-fucking-stepping in the UK, do you hear, you unelected Belgian fuckwit of a clown!

Err .... hang on a fucking minute though ... what's this?

Downing Street has indicated that David Cameron may be prepared to trade agreement on a new treaty in return for a deal to cap the EU’s runaway budget.

We are so fucked!

MSM Tuesday 26/10/10

2010-10-26T18:11:00.001+01:00

It's been a while since Gotty last gave me some space on this blog, but as the ConDems seem to be just as bad (if not worse) than the last lot, I thought I would try and find a few snippets to cheer us all up. It hasn't been an easy task ..... firstly let this be a warning!

Unwanted penis tattooed on man's back
October 26, 2010 - 9:11AM

A Queensland man faces criminal charges after allegedly tattooing a 18" long penis onto his mate’s back. Police have charged a 21-year-old man from Bundamba, near Ipswich, with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm and one offence relating to the public safety act.

He will appear in Ipswich Magistrates Court on November 15. It will cost the 25-year-old alleged victim about $2000 to remove the lewd tattoo. It depicts a 18" long image of a penis and a misspelled slogan implying the man is gay. Police said the pair had a disagreement before the tattooing.

Ipswich Detective Constable Paul Malcolm said the victim was mortified by what happened to him.

‘‘The victim wasn’t interested (in a tattoo) at first but he was talked into it and he said he wanted a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons,’’ Detective Malcolm told the Queensland Times today.

‘‘The bloke started doing the tattoo and there was another bloke standing there watching saying, ‘Mate, it’s looking really good.’

‘‘He was told not to go out into the sun and not to show anyone for a few weeks.
‘‘When he got home he showed it to the person he lives with and she said: ‘I don't think it’s the tattoo you were after’.’’

Next to all the bird lovers out there I have found the idea pet for our host ....

.... and it appears the bird is making a comeback in this neighbourhood:

Then there was the middle aged lady, who on reaching a certain age, decides to have a spot of cosmetic surgery down below... a bit of nip and tuck if you will.

When she wakes after surgery, there are three bunches of flowers on her table. She says to the nurse "Oh they're lovely, who are they from?"

The nurse replies "The first are from your surgeon, for being such a wonderful patient." "The second are from your husband, he wishes you a speedy recovery and is looking forward to touching the sides again." "And the third are from Eric in the Burns Unit to say thanks for the new ears."

Some of you may already have spotted the following clip which I posted on EyeTube, but if not have a chuckle:

Lastly I read that Brits have been bothering residents of a well known Austrian village by calling up and asking "Is that Fucking" ... and then laughing at them down the phone. Residents are upset over the amount of calls they receive from, often, drunk callers.

Mayor Siegfried Hauppl said: 'I don't know why the English have to go on about it all the time - we are always in the news but we are just a little village - we want to be left in peace.'

Though the article points out that the mayor of a Village in Switzerland, called Wank, told the Fucking residents to use their name as tourism since the Wank Guest House is always full.

Still, it could be worse - how do you think the residents of this place feel?

Microdave

Giant Red Stag Shot Dead For Antlers

2010-10-26T11:17:00.000+01:00

It was with great excitement, this morning, that I read the headline "Giant Red Stag Shot Dead For Antlers", so I hurriedly clicked through to take a look. For I was desperate to see that picture of two jags, two shags and his giant lardy arsed bulk, sprawled lifeless on the ground.

But no, apparently they were referring to another giant red stag, and alas John Prescott is still alive and troughing ... complete with antlers.

Kerry McCarthy Guilty Of Electoral Fraud

2010-10-25T20:59:00.002+01:00

Many of you will remember a post I did back in April about Kerry McCarthy illegally publishing postal vote results online, via her twatter account, a week before the General Election polling day. The results were also tweeted via the official Labour Party twitter feed ... here's a copy of a screen grab that I took at the time:

One of the regular commentors, here on G.O.T., helped me out by complaining directly to Avon and Somerset police at the time and, after nearly 6 months he has finally received this reply:

Dear Mr xxxx

Your communication regarding Ms Kerry McCarthy MP

I understand that you have expressed concerns or made a complaint about Ms McCarthy prematurely posting the results of a General Election postal ballot on Twitter. I hope you will accept our apologies for the delay in our response to you. As you would expect we had to carry out a thorough and complete investigation into this matter and it was further complicated by the need for it to be referred to a Special Case Team of the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) in London who have specific responsibility for deciding on investigations involving the electoral process and operate completely independently of the police.

However, the case is now concluded and the CPS have advised that Ms McCarthy should receive a caution from Avon and Somerset Police. This took place at a Bristol Police Station today 25th October 2010.

Your sincerely

DS Terry GREENHOW
Economic Crime Team
Avon and Somerset Constabulary

Oh for fuck's sake!

I don't know about anyone else but I hardly think that a caution is sufficient for someone who is obviously guilty of electoral fraud, do you? Why should Kerry McCarthy, once heralded as the Labour Party Twitter twatter tsar by the pant pissing unelected prime mentalist, be allowed to sweep such a serious crime under the carpet like this.

Help spread the word and let as many people know about this outcome as possible and, in the meantime, you might like to have your say in the comments below.

Go on, do your fucking worse, you know you want to ;-)

Message To Hellesdon Hospital Norwich

2010-10-25T16:07:00.000+01:00

Oi! Hellesdon Hospital in Norwich!

Will you stop wasting tens of thousands of pounds, of tax payers' money, on these 'Sit and Slim' vibrating Miruji chairs. Just how many of these fuckers are you intending to buy, using our cash, at £5,000 a fucking pop anyway?

On second thoughts, I don't want to know, I'm trying to keep the blood pressure down today. Oh, and don't give me all that bollocks about how much cheaper they will be compared to forking out £15,000 for some fat fuck or other to have a gastric band fitted instead.

Fuck the chairs, fuck the gastric bands ... just tell all the fat bastards to get up off their lardy fucking arses, get some regular excercise and stop filling their gargantuan gut buckets with pizzas, pork pies, takeaways, coca-fucking-cola and any other junk shite they've been shoveling down their gullets. That way they'll save money, we'll save money and the fat twats will get shot of all that fucking lard they're carrying around.

Now get back to work, fuck the chairs off, fuck the gastric bands off, and re-direct our money to pay for much more vital resources, that will benefit the more deserving people who really are sick ... and not just self-fucking indulgent, tardy blubber mountains.

I thank you.

The Fuckwittery Continues

2010-10-24T16:07:00.002+01:00

Here are five more pieces of fuckwittery that'll be almost guaranteed to wipe the that smile off your face and quickly raise the temperature of your piss to boiling point. All five of the fuckwittering fuckers had me screaming 'fuck off' at my, now spittle splattered, widescreen monitor .... then rushing off to pressure wash and steam clean the garden path.

A-fucking-gain!

Government plans to sell off nearly one million acres of Britain's forests

Legislation protecting Forest of Dean, Sherwood Forest and other ancient woodlands, some included in the 1215 Magna Carta, are likely to be changed to give private firms the right to cut down trees.

Top tips to help you Green your Halloween
Halloween creates a lot of waste, dropped sweet wrappers, discarded plastic masks, and unwanted pumpkins. Fear not! Ecologically minded websites are giving us all tips on how to protect the environment, this Halloween.

Slot Gob's sister converts to Islam after a holy experience

"It was a Tuesday evening and I sat down and felt this shot of spiritual morphine, just absolute bliss and joy. Now I don’t eat pork and I read the Koran every day. I’m on page 60."

No more beef, cheese, tea and coffee it'll help combat climate change

We must eat more vegetables and pulses to reduce food transportation and start using microwave ovens and pressure cookers to reduce energy consumption, say the Government food police.

Plainclothed traffic wardens in unmarked cars issuing parking fines
London council continues using covert tactics despite the Parking and Traffic Appeals service overturning the fines issued by non-uniformed officers.

.

La Voiture Burqa

2010-10-23T09:29:00.000+01:00

Spotted on the streets of Paris and no doubt on its way to the UK any time soon ....

Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 14]

2010-10-22T19:25:00.000+01:00

The weekend starts here which means I've managed to survive yet another week on the internet without my broadband connection, no thanks to B-fucking-T who have now been royally fucked the fuck off, but the dongle thing is just about hanging on in there. Although I'm getting rather pissed off with having to re-boot the bastard thing once an hour or so. Ah well, beggars can't be choosers, eh.

So, as usual, red wine will be taken in industrial quantities while I kick back and reflect on a fairly typical shit stick of a week. Have a great weekend yourselves, wherever you happen to be on the internet ....

Click image to view the ridiculously large version

PS. I'd give a hat tip to the sad twat that spent hours and hours putting this map together in the basement of his mother's house but can't find out who the fuck is responsible for it. Perhaps the 'billy no mates geek' just doesn't want us to know ;-)

Wayne Rooney Signs New Contract

2010-10-22T13:48:00.003+01:00

Why the fuck is that brain dead, talentless, overpaid, uncouth, Man Utd football player, Wayne Rooney ... headline news at the moment? From what I can see he hasn't 'saved the world' or committed mass murder, or any such shit, all Wayne Rooney has done is sign a new contract, for fucks sake. What the fuck is that all about? So the thick monkey boy look-a-likee can use a pen! Who the fuck cares? Aren't there more important things worthy of being breaking news than some half baked fuckwit, screwing the public for all the money they can get? We already have the banks doing that don't we.

Pikey cunt.

Image nicked from here ;-)

What's Nick Clegg Looking at ....

2010-10-22T09:22:00.000+01:00

.... or is that primary school kid trying to teach him something?

Piss Boiler Of The Day

2010-10-21T13:33:00.001+01:00

Those do-gooding, righteous, minority supporting mongtards really are taking the fucking piss this time.' Tear down that extractor fan, the smell of cooked bacon offends muslims', they cry.

Oh, for fucking fuck's sake ... that's another bladder full of piss that's about to boil dry then. I'm off out for a bacon sarnie before it get's too fucking hot in here.

Packet of smokey bacon to Dazed and Confused for the video ;-)

Climate Change Deniers Day

2010-10-21T08:41:00.002+01:00

I recently watched some PowerSmart climate change tv commercials and they kind of got me thinking .... why should it just be the tree hugging, tofu eating, warmists that have their own climate change events. You know the sort of thing..... save this, stop using that, poor ickle polar bear days .... and shit. And who can forget those 10:10 eco terrorists, with their day of global doing, including that video which threatened to blow up up anyone (including children) that didn't believe in all that man made global warming bollocks.

So... "fuck it!", I thought ..... how about a climate change Deniers Day?

A chance for the rest of us to display our total disregard for that 'science is settled' nonsense and turn things on their head. A day where, instead of saving 10%, we can go about our normal everyday business using an extra 100% or more .....

What do you reckon .... an idea you could warm to perhaps?

Slash Wednesday

2010-10-20T13:57:00.000+01:00

Here's my proposal for a few government cuts. Especially those New Labour fuckwits that have been fiscal fucking us all for the last 13 years. And, I dare say, a few more of those 650 dishonourable Mps.

Just saying.

.

Ministry of No Defence ++Updated++

2010-10-19T18:25:00.003+01:00

Not much else to say really, apart from the fact that we seem to have taken a giant step towards Cameron's dream of an all-in-one EU Defence ~~Force~~ Farce. In the meantime, this once proud nation appears to be at the mercy of any hostile crackpot who possesses a potato gun or a blunt pencil.

That is all.

++++UPDATE++++

Via Ampers we learn that:

Israel spends £9 billion annually on procurement and has a staff of 400 people to do it. Britain spends £10 billion annually on procurement and has a staff of 23,700 people to do it.

Right then, in that case, let's fuck off 23,000+ back room civilian staff* and set about equipping our armed forces properly ..... without removing any of our front line personnel.

*Obviously keep the one that I know personally because he's a good chap ;-)
.

This Is A Joke Right?

2010-10-17T13:54:00.002+01:00

Surely this bloke Mitch Benn has got to be shitting me. Hasn't he?

"I'm happy to announce I'm proud of the BBC", he says.

He's even made a video about it and you can download the single on iTunes and everything .... he says.

What the fuck! Nah .... this is a wind-up, surely ....

Yeah ... he's just taking the piss. He must be. I mean, who in their right mind would also go to all the trouble of producing a T-shirt to go with it. You know, one like this, which you'd spend money designing and producing, in the hope that you can sell shit loads of them and make a tidy profit .....

Nah .... this is a wind-up, surely. I mean no-one is ever going to buy one of those fuckers, are they. It'd be fucking pointless to even think of making them. Wouldn't it.

Hmmm .... please tell me this a joke.

Matt Wardman Wire Less : Where's He Gone?

2010-10-16T14:46:00.006+01:00

The highly respected Wardman Wire and Matt Wardman websites are both showing the same message .... "This account has been suspended". His Twitter and Facebook accounts are still active but neither have recent entries.

Any ideas?

Bloggers, in general, seem to be dropping like flies at the moment.

What the fuck is going on?

Is this thing contagious? Do I need to disinfect my google reader or something?

Beer Holder Of The Week

2010-10-15T21:14:00.000+01:00

Normally I prefer my beer chilled but on this occasion I'm definitely prepared to make an exception. Where the fuck can I get one? ..... complete of course.

Have a great weekend all.

Cheers!

Tip of the err ... well, you know what I mean ...
to Captain Haddock for the product placement ;-)

Geert Wilders Not Guilty

2010-10-15T18:22:00.001+01:00

On all counts.

Not guilty of discriminating against Muslims.
Not guilty of inciting hatred.
Not guilty of group insult.

Fucking brilliant result!

More details here

Fabio Capello : Exclusive Interview

2010-10-15T16:34:00.003+01:00

If you thought there had been some football on this week, you were wrong .... England were playing. However, Grumpy Old Twat's Chief Sports Reporter, Gildas Axelrod, managed to grab a quick post match interview with the England manager Fabio Capello:

Capello in a typically Alan Partridge stance
relaxing in his hotel room post match

Axelrod: Fabio, obviously it’s a disappointing result ...
England 0 Lady Boys of Bangkok 0 ... what went wrong?

Capello: No....eeeeee....ahhh.....yeees... I think they play....well...er...nooo...

Axelrod: Fabio, why are England such shit?

Capello: Scusi!?

Axelrod: You know. Utter and complete fucking shite. Merde. Scheisse. Merda. Why is that?

Capello: Eeeeeehh...ahhhh...no...I think....yeees...maybe eeeess pressure...

Axelrod: Do you think it’s cos you’re a cack handed Italian twat that nobody can understand? Or are the players just total shit anyway?

Capello: No...er...Rooney...play good...maybe...no...Yes...

Axelrod: That was Colleen Rooney, Fabio. Wayne’s been in the changing room shagging grannies all evening.

Capello: She play well....maybe...yeees...good catalogue maybe...

Axelrod: Do you think it was a mistake not to name the team until forty minutes into the second half?

Capello: No...eees no problem...is yes...no...scusi?

Axelrod: Fabio, a lot has been made of your inability to speak good English. Do you think it could be a factor?

Capello: Scusi? I no...errr.......yeeeees....maybe...I think problem, no.

Axelrod: Fabio, can you tell us how much you earn?

Capello: It’s a six million pounds a year basic with a euro lock in currency exchange hedge, coupled with a no win full fee index linked under performance bonus of 200 per cent with an integrated transnational image right package paid via a specially incorporated Single Purpose Vehicle domiciled in the Cayman islands for maximum tax efficiency plus car and pension.

Axelrod: I think that says it all. Thank you.

Capello: Grazi. Now vaffanculo!

Axelrod: Itie twat!

On Second Thoughts .....

2010-10-15T13:46:00.000+01:00

click to enlarge (fnarr, fnarr)

National Schools Film Week : Fail

2010-10-14T16:49:00.001+01:00

Whoopee fucking do!

It's National Schools Film Week and it starts today!

Cue an enormous list of grant spewing quangos and other assorted do-gooders to join the illustrious list of participating partners. Including CBBC, of course.

"Right then, all we need now is a decent webshite address and we're up and running", shouts a tax payer funded, pimple faced PR twat as he blows across his steaming cup of Starbucks.

"NSFW.org ..... that should do it!"

Oh, for fuck's sake where do they get these fuckwits from. I mean, is it because these PR pricks are taking the piss or simply that they just haven't got a fucking clue what's going on in the real world? Either way, I do hope that all the better enlightened parents can make sure that 'little Johnny' and 'sweet little Jane' don't enter the wrong suffix and end up at 'NSFW.com' ..... that'd be a bit fucking embarrassing all around, once the little darlings had clapped their eyes on the 'slightly raunchier' films that are on offer there, eh ;-)

Spotted here by our undercover nsfw specialist, Microdave.

The Final Words Of Anna Raccoon

2010-10-14T11:07:00.002+01:00

I received an email from Anna Raccoon this morning asking me to publish her reply to the eulogy that I posted yesterday, which attracted so many well deserved comments from supporters of her now deleted blog. This, of course, I have done with pleasure .....

I am humbled, truly.

Reading through these comments I am reminded of the many exceptional people that exist on the internet. Good people, talented writers – yes, you Gildas – don’t you dare give up! – and big hearts.

Unfortunately, there are also a myriad of talentless, embittered souls, the pimply faced youths of Andrew Marr’s comment, spewing bile and negativity, metaphorically pulling the legs off any spider they happen to pass – just because they can. Because it’s free. Because it is a lawless area. As it should be – and that very freedom that they abuse will be at risk one day because of them.

I am not speaking of the obsessive adolescent ramblings of John Demetriou and his imaginary friend - ‘only I can see you Kevin’. They are pussy cats compared to the truly deranged that are out there in the blogosphere – I understand they are claiming credit for the demise of my blog – unfortunately I never read them, it was only after I had closed the blog that they wrote their latest poison missive and someone pointed me in that direction thinking that they had punctured my hide terminally. No such luck Demetriuzela.

No, out there in the ether, there are some seriously dangerous people, who targeted me many months ago for daring to hold a different opinion from them. They didn’t just ‘out’ me, they have continued to dig obsessively into my life, fantasising where they were unable to obtain information. They imagine, I suppose, that they were hurting me, punishing me for not agreeing with them. In fact the damage is far wider than that. They also cause intense pain amongst those I am related to. For although I have not known my family, they are out there, and had started the long journey of truth seeking which is a search for far flung members of your family.

They too, were Googling, and reading that I was a paedophile, a government agent, a ‘sleeper’ planted in the blogosphere to prevent the truth emerging (Jesus!) – faux psychiatric reports on me emerged, discussing the severe mental illness that apparently occasioned my adopting ‘different disguises’ – the allegedly ‘eminent psychiatrist’ responsible for that one had obviously never come across a woman who had been married three times and changed her name each time in accordance with British law! My National Health records were accessed - I know there are laws against this sort of thing, but the people concerned are mentally ill. Laws won't stop them.

My unknown family learnt that everything I did was in shallow pursuit of ‘hits’, that nobody ever linked to my work because they liked it, only because I had ‘brown nosed’ them. They learnt that I only ‘claimed’ to be a Quaker.

I could go on but I shan’t. Suffice it to say, that nervous as they were about making contact anyway, they have decided that it would be better not to have contact with such a patently despicable creature as me. That pains me for myself and them. I, in turn, realised that much of what has been written about me is because I had become better known. Others have had dissenting voices, but not the thousands of readers, so I became a particular target – and that could only get worse as time went on.

It has been like a lead weight on my shoulders, knowing that every day as I tried to write, amongst you good people there were also these utter snakes who visited the blog only to see what they could purloin, twist, plagiarise, take out of context, cause mischief with, denigrate. Last week-end I was plagued with e-mails demanding this and demanding that as the price of not writing any more about me. It completely overshadowed my delight at the Sheila Martin result. I stared at the screen for hours, feeling very, very alone in my battle with these people, and finally decided to just 'pull the plug'.

There is an intensely negative side to the Blogosphere; confrontational, aggressive. I had hoped to establish a political blog that was not so testosterone driven, where women – 50% of the public – were welcome. Some will say I should have stood up to the bullies, that letting them win is, well, letting them win – but the personal price I was paying was too high for me.

I have stood up to them for a long time, my illness started at the end of last year; there have been many days when the only thing I have done is write the blog, only to read from Demetriou that there was nothing wrong with me, my ‘alleged illness’ was merely a ‘drive for hits’, and then creep back to bed, pausing only to throw breakfast up on the way as I struggled to live through the treatment. Hashimoto Disease for your information you pathetic little dolt Demetriou.

I didn’t make any closing statement for precisely that reason – I knew that anything I said would be quoted and misquoted, pilloried by the likes of Demetriou. It wouldn’t have been my choice and was not with my permission that Obnoxio made the statement he did; but now that he has done and it has engendered this gracious response from Gildas and the many kind comments, it is only fair to say farewell. I shan’t be back, there is no cache of my work, no record, nothing for anyone to tease apart and take another meaning from, no more fun to be had baiting Anna Raccoon, she no longer exists. Nor will I be writing under any other name or on any other web site as some have suggested.

The air is fresher in the real world, it is full of real people (here in France anyway!) that wish you nothing but well. They seek to heal, not hurt, to help not hinder. They are honest and truthful, not furtive and secretive. When they do have feuds it is over something important like the menu for the Rugby Club dinner.

So if you’ll excuse me folks, I’m back off to gulp great lungfuls of fresh air.

Fare thee well folks ....
you were some of the best commentators to appear on any blog.

+++ UPDATE+++

Gotty says : Former contributors of her blog have just launched an "open home for all the fans of Anna Raccoon, hopefully to allow the continuation of the spirit of her blog". Why not pop over and take a look to see what would have happened if the Chilean miners had been trapped in a British mine ;-)

.

Chilean Mine Rescue : BBC Fail

2010-10-14T09:29:00.001+01:00

Over the last couple of days, many of us have been following the epic coverage detailing the amazing rescue of the 33 chilean miners who were trapped below ground for almost 70 days. A heart warming example of how so many different people were able to pull together to ensure a successful outcome for all concerned. No expense was spared by the Chilean government who must be applauded for the way that it conducted the whole affair with dignity and efficiency.

However, it appears that the BBC weren't too slow about sparing their expenses either when it came to providing wall-to-wall coverage of the event. More than 25 BBC staff were dispatched to the Chile for the event. Compare that to the 9 personnel from Sky News, who also provided 24 hour coverage, and the 6 staff sent by ITVNews.

On the positive side though, it appears that the BBC TV licence fee payers actually only paid for 20 of the assorted journos and hangers-on. Oooo..... goody-fucking-gum drops, that's alright then! Err, perhaps not, the remaining BBC staff were funded by ... wait for it ..... the Foreign and Commonwealth office. Oh, for fuck's sake, so even if you don't pay for a TV licence you will still end up paying for the bloated BBC via your government tax contributions.

Twenty five! Twenty-fucking-five!

Christ on a trike .... it only took 16 personnel to carry out the entire rescue!

The bloated BBC ..... surely it's time to put the cash hemorrhaging beast onto a strict diet, once and for all, and abolish the TV licence fee. Failing that .... withhold your telly tax, I've been doing it for years, and then finally the Bloated Bias Craporation will have to venture out into the big wide world and feed it's own fat belly and those of their equally engorged executives.

Anna Raccoon

2010-10-13T18:37:00.003+01:00

A Eulogy by Gildas The Monk

Dear Brothers and Sister of the Blog

Many years ago, too many to remember, when the land was threatened by the barbarian, when law and justice were in danger, and when the nation had been betrayed by the corruption and incompetence of its political classes (sound familiar?), a man stepped forward who was willing to resist the decline into the coming Dark Ages, and who with courage and virtue took up arms.

He is known to the modern world as Arthur, and he was dux bellorum, leader in battles. The name Arthur was probably a “battle name,” a nickname or pseudonym – from the welsh “Arth”, meaning “bear”. So we had a noble leader, courageous and true, and going by the name of an animal.

Now it is said that Arthur did not ever really leave us and pass from us into that eternal night that awaits us all. Wounded, he merely departed the field of battle temporarily, and, so it is said, lies sleeping, awaiting the call should Britain ever again face ultimate calamity. He is thus ARTHURUS, QUONDAM REXQUE FUTURUS; Arthur, the once and future king.

This week Anna Raccoon closed her blog. Her Facebook and Twitter accounts are closed too. She departed the blogosphere suddenly and without warning on Monday.

I am relatively new to the Blogosphere. I merely stumbled across it at a time of great personal crisis for me, whiling away the hours. I do not remember making any conscious choice to seek it out, but merely found a variety of sites which by varying degree amused, informed, provided catharsis and engaged.

However, the Anna Raccoon site was very special. If I say that the Blog had a Libertarian bent, I may be doing it an injustice. I am not a political expert, and have no fixed affiliations. What I discovered was a Blog which boasted a cadre of free thinking, independent minded commentators and freedom fighters. Anna herself, of course, but also Thaddeus J. Wilson, Andrew P. Withers and others. Common themes were the protection of freedom, the exposure of injustice by the state, and the cause of the Common Man. The writing was always of the highest quality, and there was quantity too. I do know that Anna herself worked tirelessly to review a host of daily sources and keep up the volume of posts. And these were not your ordinary pithy internet posts, but full on eloquent essays. It was less of a blog and more of a magazine. Hell, it was almost a lifestyle!

But it was never purely political. There could be a hilarious and moving essay Anna’s somewhat eccentric family one minute; a polemic on the evils of petty bureaucrats or foolish local councils the next, or a scabrous satire on a political figure and then a simple diary piece the next. There was wisdom, life experience, brilliance, insight, humour and courage. There was what the Romans called civic virtue.

There was always vigorous debate, contribution and plenty of humour.

Anna had a passion for the defence of the weak and for upholding liberty. In that regard she was in particular a hawkish observer and critic of the murky workings of the Court of Protection. She was an active campaigner too. She played a leading role in the campaign to free Landlord Nick Hogan from jail for breaching the anti smoking legislation, and recently smote the Stasi at the Sandwell Council, forcing them to withdraw their threat to prosecute a pensioner for allegedly dropping cigarette ash. On a personal level she was endlessly kind and encouraging to me, and even gave me the pleasure and the privilege of posting a few of my scribblings. She did recommend I should drink less, but I never said she was perfect.

Anna has now hung up her blogging hat - for whatever reasons. We do not know, although I do know that keeping up such a prodigious output and maintaining the site, sometimes in the face of the abuse and backbiting that can come with blogging, was very, very hard work.

She has departed, like Arthur, silently and mysteriously into the mist, a great figure of courage and virtue no longer with us, but, I hope, not finally departed either. Perhaps she will return. She will certainly never be forgotten. And so I can think of no finer tribute to you Anna, if you read this, than to hail you thus:

HIC ANNONA PROCYON LOTOR ERAT;
REGINA BLOGGORUM QUONDAM REGINAQUE FUTURUS!

Or in English:
This was Anna Raccoon; the once and future queen of the blogs!

Good luck Anna, from all of us.

Gildas the Monk

Gotty says:
Anna is fine but for personal reasons she felt that now was the right time to quit blogging. Best wishes Anna for whatever you decide to do in the future .... and thank you ;-)

+++UPDATE+++

The final words of Anna Raccoon
and the reasons why she has quit blogging can be found HERE

Middle Class Anarchy

2010-10-12T18:10:00.000+01:00

Fuck the rules. Fuck playing the game. Fuck the bankers. Fuck being the good citizen. Fuck filling out every form correctly. Fuck paying every tax. Fuck Quangos. Fuck the troughing MPs. Fuck the government. Fuck the EU who own their arses anyway, and ours. Fuck the free-loaders, living rent-free while we pay. Fuck asylum seekers. Fuck illegal immigrants. Fuck sharia law. Fuck the police farce. Fuck being a stooge. Fuck the legal process, a game which only works if you’ve got money to pay for the parasitic lawyers. Fuck being a prole. Fuck big brother. Fuck the minority dictating to the majority. Fuck being lied to. Fuck trying to do the right thing ...... where the fuck does that fucking get you? †

Middle class anarchy ...... bring it on!

Fuck yeah!

† Did I miss anything?

Inspired by this post.

Tuition Fees, Just Another Example

2010-10-12T15:14:00.000+01:00

From September 2009:

Those signing the Vote for Students pledge, [opposing the hike in fees] which include Nick Clegg, Sir Menzies Campbell and Vince Cable as well as a group of current and former Labour ministers, have given the first clear indication of their position on tuition fees ahead of the Browne review due in the autumn.

October 2010:

Cable abandons Lib Dem pledge on tuition fees by accepting the main proposal of Lord Browne .... that the limit on fees should be lifted.

Just as wish-washy, spineless and hypocritical as ever then. It's the power, you see. Pledges, promises and principles mean fuck all, to any of them, once they've secured your vote and begin to breathe the politically polluted air within the Westminster Bubble.

They're all the fucking same. Whatever the 'party'.