Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Open Letter To Raoul Thomas Moat

Dear Mr Moat

Just wanted to let you know that I have seen your ex-girlfriend shagging:
Lenny Henry
David Miliband
Wayne Rooney
Vernon Kay
Ed Balls
Billy Bragg
Claire Balding
and that twat off the Go Compare adverts.

Also please note that traffic wardens and PCSOs
are very similar to policemen.

Kind regards
The Grumpy Old Twat

ps Douglas Hogg wants to know if he can claim you on his expenses.


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96 comments:

  1. Billy Blofeld6 July 2010 at 21:10

    Ed Balls shagged her twice if that helps you prioritise Mr Moat.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:21

    Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Ranter6 July 2010 at 21:38

    Naughty but funny!

    ReplyDelete
  32. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 21:43

    Can't do any harm ..... unless your name's Balls of course :-D

    ReplyDelete
  33. Catosays6 July 2010 at 21:44

    You bastard Gotty, I've just wet myself laughing!!

    Accept a bollocking.....rotfpmsl

    ReplyDelete
  34. All Seeing Eye6 July 2010 at 21:50

    <p>...in fact, to be helpful we've actually done a website listing everyone your ex has been shagging here. Just start at the top and work downwards (like she does).
    </p>

    ReplyDelete
  35. microdave6 July 2010 at 22:02

    Why stop at Ed Balls? Why not the entire Liebor party?  Even Snotty, in fact Especially Snotty....

    ReplyDelete
  36. Catosays6 July 2010 at 22:02

    'Ere what's going on? I left a comment and now it's disappeared.

    Anyway...bloody funny Gotty. Ty muchly. A bill for wahing my underwear is on its way.

    ReplyDelete
  37. All Seeing Eye6 July 2010 at 22:02

    Actually, Mr Moat we've already written a helpful site listing all of the people your ex has been getting off with. Just start from the top (like she does).

    ReplyDelete
  38. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:03

    It can't hurt to mention it .... unless your name's Balls of course ;)

    ReplyDelete
  39. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:05

    TFR!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Indyanhat6 July 2010 at 22:05

    To trivialise this mans obvious pain and distress in such a way is...funny as fuck, class post GOT, can we add Brown to the list he is only a few clicks north of Moats present position!

    ReplyDelete
  41. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:08

    Definitely link of the day ;)
    Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  42. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:09

    Hope it's still warm.
    Nothing worse than cold piss ;)

    ReplyDelete
  43. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:14

    PLEASE NOTE:
    Apologies for any fucwittery that you may be having with the comments system at the moment. I can assure you all that I have not deleted anything. It appears that Echo has snorted a few lines of coke and has gone mental. I've had 35 notifications of 'Ranters' comment (so far) FFS and others keep disappearing and re-appearing.

    Maybe I've just pissed someone off and they're jerking me around.

    Fair play, I suppose ;)

    ReplyDelete
  44. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:17

    Fuck me!
    It's even removed the letter 'k' from fuckwittery, in the comment above ;)

    ReplyDelete
  45. The Grim Reaper6 July 2010 at 22:21

    Something similar's been up with Blogger for much of today. All very curious.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Ampers6 July 2010 at 22:30

    Was Raoul a hacker by any chance? Brill Gotty, you've surpassed yourself.

    And you owe me one china mug and one keyboard!

    ReplyDelete
  47. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:31

    I did think about Snotty but even I couldn't wish that kind of sexual experience on anyone ;)

    ReplyDelete
  48. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:33

    Apologies Cato, see my reply above, or below or wherever the fuck else it's decided to appear at any given moment.

    ReplyDelete
  49. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:34

    Still the best link of the day ;)

    ReplyDelete
  50. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:36

    Sometimes I can even surprise myself at just how sick I can be but not on this occasion though ;)

    ReplyDelete
  51. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:39

    ASE has just mentioned that too. Also noticed that Obo reports being fucked around in his comments but I didn't take much notice at the time as that's par for the course for him ;)

    ReplyDelete
  52. JB6 July 2010 at 22:39

    Original...

    ReplyDelete
  53. Captain Haddock6 July 2010 at 22:48

    Gordon Brown also tried to give her one ..

    But she claims to have put him right by telling him it was a criminal offence to have sexual intercourse with a mental defective ..

    But I think she's a lying old slapper .. Just shoot the Jock fucker anyway ...

    ReplyDelete
  54. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 22:56

    "<span>Was Raoul a hacker by any chance?"</span>

    Only when he's run out of bullets! (boom, boom)

    China mug... thank fuck it wasn't your best cut crystal glass ;)

    ReplyDelete
  55. GrumpyOldTwat6 July 2010 at 23:00

    "<span>Just shoot the Jock fucker"</span>

    We could send him down to negotiate, wearing an "I 've shagged your ex up the wrong 'un" t shirt. That should do the trick.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Captain Haddock6 July 2010 at 23:17

    Douglas Hogg MP has just announced a £2,115 reward for this man .. Dead or Alive ..

    He says he knows exactly what he's doing, as he's had "previous experience in claiming to have Moats cleaned up" ..

    ReplyDelete
  57. Dazed-and-Confused6 July 2010 at 23:32

    I hate to break the news to Mr Moat, especially when he's lost the plot completely, and is running around seeking vengeance on any fucker that he perceives to have wronged him whilst in stir, but there's a nasty rumour circulating at the moment, that the kid that he thought was his by his Ex girlfriend, was actually fathered by one Andrew Gatward.

    Now obviously it's just a rumour, that will hopefully come to nothing.

    Mr Moat!.....MR MOAT!........MR FUCKING MOAT!.....Can you hear me? 

    ReplyDelete
  58. St Paul7 July 2010 at 01:05

    I need to Google-up Vernon Kay but the rest are fair game.
    Claire Balding seemed quite pleasant, but, I'll go with the majority on that one.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Wayne Bridge7 July 2010 at 01:16

    I heard John Terry's car has been parked outside her house too.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Norman Spack M.D.7 July 2010 at 01:19

    Oh Bollocks

    ReplyDelete
  61. Barking Spider7 July 2010 at 03:05

    I heard that too, Dazed! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  62. Barking Spider7 July 2010 at 03:08

    I saw Will Self and David Dimbleby shagging her, too - both of them at the same time! :-P

    ReplyDelete
  63. Gildas7 July 2010 at 06:00

    Now that's a post that's got me off to a good start to the day!
    Mind you, I heard she'd gone the bi-curious route and had a no holds barred afternoon with Harriet Harman, assisted by Jack Dromey - no, it doesnt bear thinking about, but Jacqui Smith's husband has the video      

    ReplyDelete
  64. Woman on a raft7 July 2010 at 06:32

    Are you sure it wasn't Jonathan Dimbleby?  Their arses are very difficult to tell apart. 

    ReplyDelete
  65. ERM7 July 2010 at 07:51

    I heard Jacky Smith & Hazel Blears had been there as well - and Gordon Brown & Peter Mandelson.

    ReplyDelete
  66. RantinRab7 July 2010 at 09:05

    Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand said you are a wanker, Mr Moat.  Honest.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Captain Haddock7 July 2010 at 09:38

    And whilst we're at it both the Mounted Band of the Household Cavalry and the Ship's company of HMS Ark Royal have been seen sniffing round her ...

    ReplyDelete
  68. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 12:58

    TFR, Cap'n!
    Hence the ps in the original post ;)

    ReplyDelete
  69. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:01

    Definitely true and not a rumour Mr Moat.

    Lock and load ..... lock and fucking load!!

    ReplyDelete
  70. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:03

    Vernon Kay = lanky streak of piss married to an equally vaccuous blonde fuckwit

    ReplyDelete
  71. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:05

    Yep, I heard that, it was shortly after Steve Gerrard

    ReplyDelete
  72. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:06

    Best to cover all bases there WOAR.
    What's the odd Dimbleby between friends, eh ;)

    ReplyDelete
  73. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:07

    Mind bleach! Where's the fucking mind bleach!

    Arrrgh, too late :(

    ReplyDelete
  74. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:08

    All at the same time ..... I shouldn't wonder.
    Filthy fuckers!

    ReplyDelete
  75. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:11

    Hmmmm, needs firming up Rab .....
    "ugly, gay wanker with a penchant for Brazillian teenage boys"

    That should do it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  76. GrumpyOldTwat7 July 2010 at 13:12

    Steady on Cap'n or you may encur the wrath of ASE?
    I'll let him be the judge of that though ;)

    ReplyDelete
  77. Captain Haddock7 July 2010 at 17:39

    Nah .. No probs Gotty ..

    Given where ASE lives, I doubt he was a "Donkey-Walloper" & if he was in "The Mob" (unless of course he was a "WAFU") .. He'll undoubtedly see the humour in it ...   :-D :-D

    ReplyDelete
  78. Gildas7 July 2010 at 19:44

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  79. Gildas7 July 2010 at 19:44

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  80. Captain Haddock7 July 2010 at 20:23

    Ayethangyou ...  ;)

    ReplyDelete
  81. Captain Haddock7 July 2010 at 22:09

    Mind you .. would you surrender, if you thought that this might be waiting for you ?

    ReplyDelete
  82. Jack7 July 2010 at 23:19

    No tories in the list?!?

    ReplyDelete
  83. Gildas8 July 2010 at 08:47

    Looks like the Cybermen are running Northumbria police (they move about as fast well)
    Gildas the Monk

    ReplyDelete
  84. The Grim Reaper8 July 2010 at 10:36

    Oh well, the John Demetriou troll (who seems more realistic than the one that claims to be the real one most days) is keeping us amused over there...

    ReplyDelete
  85. GrumpyOldTwat8 July 2010 at 12:51

    Frightens the fuck out of me!
    Imagine waking up next to that in the morning and what the fuck's going on with the hair? Perhaps she rides a motortrike .... no helmet and all that.
    (in more ways than one ... fnarr, fnarr ..... I should imagine)

    ReplyDelete
  86. GrumpyOldTwat8 July 2010 at 12:52

    I'm sorry, I was under the impression that Douglas Hogg was an ex Conservative Cabinet Minister .... but what the fuck do I know, eh.

    ReplyDelete
  87. microdave8 July 2010 at 14:47

    <span>If they don’t catch the gunman in the North East by Saturday, the rumour is that they are going to double the reward – it will be a “Raouleover” – Boom, Boom!</span>

    ReplyDelete
  88. GrumpyOldTwat8 July 2010 at 15:20

    Terribly bad taste MD ..... and funny as fuck!

    btw, how on earth did you manage to get your comment to appear in that rather fetching blue colour? Or is Echo going off on one again?

    ReplyDelete
  89. microdave8 July 2010 at 15:54

    I just pasted it in directly from the email my sister sent me!  She works in an advertising & media agency, and doesn't like the default typeface. I wondered how it was going to appear....


    <p>
    </p><p><span><span><span><span>Here's a little Test</span><span>,</span> </span></span></span>
    </p><p><span><span><span><span><span>And another, </span></span><span><span></span></span></span></span></span>
    </p><p><span><span><span><span><span>This is supposed to be a joke...(i.e. It's jokerman font)</span></span></span></span></span>
    </p><p> 
    </p><p>OMG - what have I started???

    </p>

    ReplyDelete
  90. microdave8 July 2010 at 15:55

    O.K. so it won't deal with different fonts, but the colours are shown pretty much as I chose them.

    ReplyDelete
  91. GrumpyOldTwat8 July 2010 at 16:06

    <span><span><span><span><span><span>Not quite the colourful language </span></span></span></span></span></span><span><span><span><span><span><span>that you normally see around here ;)
    </span></span></span></span></span></span>

    ReplyDelete
  92. GrumpyOldTwat8 July 2010 at 16:12

    Anyhoo, getting back on topic, I've just picked this up from over at D-Rex's place:

    I understand that Raoul Mote has been <span>offered</span> a consultancy post with the <span>CRU</span>. It seems they want his expertise to help them HIDE THE DECLINE.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Barking Spider8 July 2010 at 18:47

    <span>Good point, WoaR, I did hear that Jonathan's been sniffing around there, too - apparently David told him to get his arse over there after he'd been round and shagged her up the wrong 'un. :-P </span>

    ReplyDelete
  94. Barking Spider8 July 2010 at 19:15

    I'm sure I've seen her before..... in a Wallace & Gromit film. =-O :-D

    ReplyDelete
  95. Jack8 July 2010 at 23:32

    Not on the list. Michael Gove could maybe fit in at the minute, oh wait he's a Tory.

    ReplyDelete
  96. GrumpyOldTwat8 July 2010 at 23:47

    Oh FFS, he's in the original post ... or is that too subtle for you. Now either nominate whoever the fuck you want Moat to wipe out or fucking do one. Either way, stop fucking whinging!

    ReplyDelete